and For the Record

Before this

or this,

This is what Figarion has achieved,

and he actually further ruined the rest of the black bit a few days later, of which I could not possibly bring myself to take a picture while screaming in dismay and despair.

I do love this pic though, with Wayee sitting in the mess looking as if she is meditating.

This Month I am Mostly Listening...

Woke up this morning looking like this > > >

booo booo

well, like someone else. (The only reason for putting a full frontal pic here as I am unrecognisable in this.) My left cheek is completely swollen up after a surgery I had yesterday, and my lip and nose also looked, well, fatter. When I turned up at work people kept saying that I looked as though I was holding a candy in my mouth. I kept saying I was pretending to be a Marlon Brando for the day.

Came home feeling pretty sorry for myself (or just in a mood to spoil myself) I got about buying this month's CDs.



I am currently re-discovering Jazz musicians of old and new, mostly modern jazz of old age, and have recently decided to buy at least 2 jazz CDs a month. Today I doubled the dosage just because I woke up with a huge cheek (and that nurse at the clinic -not the dentist- told me that I was not looking after myself well -I did that all for love and I was not in the mood to defend my ex.)

today's Figarion
(this time he is in the middle)

This month I am mostly listening to.... Antonio Farao!!
Finally, after about 1 yr of looking for his CD that's affordable!!
He is sear genius, and I am determined to go see him next year.

Fish Sauce

WANTED

I have discovered this anchovy sauce a while ago, and also later heard from Neapolitan tour guide that this is THE stuff real Italians use to give that kick to vongole bianco. I was addicted to volngole pastas so decided to buy this potentially very smelly, distinctive condiment, but the only thing was that the sauce was only available at big TESCOs and I never went to TESCO.

SO I have asked a friend to get it for me, but he wasn't firmly promising to do so. And 2 days later I was made to go to a big TESCO at work for some reason, (probably to get them stupid designers eco bags) so I bought the fish sauce then, only to receive a text from mate saying he got one for me the same day.

Yes, yes, it's a boring story, and it gets even more so.

It took me almost 2 years to finish a bottle after then, and now I need the other bottle but I CAN'T FIND IT anywhere!!

I have lost a bottle of fish sauce somewhere in my house! Where? Where on earth?? Am not going to buy another because I have one which was waiting to be opened for 2 yrs, but I need one!!!


I was doing some detective work, and thought,
"Mmm, if I were to hide a bottle of fish sauce, where do I put it?"
and,
"If I were a bottle of fish sauce, where do I go?"

My, am going mental looking for a bottle of anchovy sauce, it's been days! These things really bring out the obsessive side of me, that's so scary. Anchovy sauce, please stand up.

B-Day

Still can't decide what to do for my day of birth. My boss told me I can't have some hours leave in order for me to hop on ferry to France etc. I guess it's still possible to go to France for overnight, certainly done that before, but it's too much money and hassle and not sure it will be enjoyable.

Yet I can't take a short trip in the country. I will be checking my mobile every hour to see if nobody has called. I will be doing the same with my email inbox even in France, but at least my money conscious mind will switch my phone off the entire time if I was out of the UK.

The more I think about it the more I am declining towards just to get ready to sit tight and tolerate the day, in my own place. That's what I have been doing for the past 15 yrs or so, and it is proven to be the cheapest option. Well, any suggestion is welcomed here, am stuck.

Maybe, if I am prepared for the sadness, I might be pleasantly surprised to see the lack of it, and even meet the level of serenity from temporally dementia. Who knows? I mean, why am I even assuming that I will be clinically depressed for just one day when am totally fine now? (This is me, prepping myself with positiveness that's built up from air!)

Today's Figarion

What is Today's Special?

My lunch, Tuesday. How could I not have a soup called "Baxxter"?? (H.P., you are the man!)

My night out Tuesday and its wine list (what a great white it was, so much more than expected for a house white by the glass - Cuvée Le Bosq Blanc.) accompanied by Jazz piano played by Joe Bickerstaff. He was marvelous.

.... and today's Customer's Left Over. (about 2/5 of the bottle.)
What a good night. Beaujolais-Lancie, Louis Latour, 2008. Sold for £16.50/bottle at my pub.

Appeal

Went to have a long lunch with a married man.

Don't ask me why but married men love me. They all deny having any feelings for me, and I never stop pretending we belong to opposite sexes, and so we carry on as friends, even though I never believe in friendship between men and women, and they can't sop bitching about their wives.

Well, basically, I never touch them. NEVER.

So he was buying me lunch (which turned into 3 course with a glass of wine at 2pm) and we were talking about my work place. He basically didn't know pretty much all of my bosses are gay, and that all the girls there are 30 something, rather than 20 something like he thought.

"What was her name again, the girl who is sitting in front of you?"
He asked. I told him the name, knowing he would not remember it if I ask 5 min later.
"She is so shy, does she have many friends?"

I said she has hundreds, but not a single English friend.
"She doesn't even speak much English after so many years of being here."
I went on. And he followed,
"and I take it she doesn't have a boy friend?"

"How did you know? How can you tell?"
I was asking, curiously, as this came from a man who is in a rock solid marriage for 35 yrs or so, plus the girl in the topic is rather attractive, and is very quiet when conversing in English, and I know many men who like the type (quiet, exotic, appears to be obedient.)

"One can tell."
He replied. How, I asked again.
"Well, she just doesn't have sex appeal."

He said this like he was conversing back in the 60s'. I haven't heard the phrase in a while, and apparently my colleague lacks it. This was a new sensation to me. Is it in the same category as her being not sexy? not attractive? what is that exactly, sex appeal?

"You can be attractive without having sex appeal. You simply got to have it for men to notice you."
He said, quietly, with the suave mannerism he always had.
"Oh, in that case I don't think I've got it."
I laughed, sipping the Sauvignon Blanc.
"Oh, you got stacks of it!!"
He said, almost triumphantly. What a nice guy.

Brighton, Aug 2009

Today's note:
Great news about Pre-Nup!

That is Probably the Saddest Thing I've Evere Heard

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I hate my birthday, not because I am getting old, but because it is the day one is allowed to act the way one wishes because all the friends, family and any people around must accept that for a day, yet I always come to the realization that I don't have those people to let me do just that.

I have had a series of bad birthdays, from lacking friends' support, and love. I mean, it's not just about people not doing anything for the day, but usually people engage me for the day because they said they are doing something for me, or with me, only to let me down.

It feels wrong to make them do something, or organise it myself when they clearly don't care enough to do stuff for me, so I just don't let people know when my birthday is any more. It is still pretty sad when the day comes and you are finding yourself unable not to remembering it is the anniversary of your birth, and nobody is thanking that you were born.

This year is particularly bad because I had someone celebrate it with me last year, and it actually was one of the nicest days I have ever had, but now just phasing into a bitter memory which I am not yet prepared to treasure as a fond moment.

OK, so I have a problem about my birthday, and I am dealing with it, yes. That's not what this entry is about, I mean, that's not the saddest thing ever. I am quite cheerful till the day comes, and I will be after the day ends, I am sure on that.

So I spent whole day today, not doing house chores nor dog duties, looking up options to get away or do anything for the day to occupy me, stop me from self-pitying.

I looked up city breaks to Paris and Rome. I looked up a pampering weekend trip to North. I looked up a few things. They all cost too much, basically, because of my dogs. Their boarding fee cost as much, if not more, as my hotel + flight.

Maybe I should just take them with me to somewhere quiet where I can just let them run around, I thought.

O, why not. As long as I take them to somewhere I don't have to worry about them peeing on carpet, then it'll be relaxing enough for me. I am sure there are cottages I can rent for weekend.

So I looked that up and came across this;

"Singles Holiday including activities. Take your dog with you."

Well, never. Am not THAT sad. I refuse to go to Singles Holidays, and refuse to go anywhere with my dogs announcing the world that I am single, and looking, even if I was looking, which am not.

Urrgh, I don't know any more. What should I do, or should I just sit in my house with all the phones switched off so I know that nobody is calling?

Today's Figarion

I came home tonight and found this on my floor.

There was a bit of a soft patch there for a while, and this morning my heel went through it, but that didn't pierce a hole.

Then I came to this. My dog now eats floor. Who EATS floor??????

October Sky and Sleeping with the Enemies

Well, as the title suggests;

One good thing about getting the weather chilled out is that we get clearer air, so we are thrown this kind of blue all over us. As someone who is very fond of spending time in cars, driving, this is just kind of the sky which makes me just happy, despite all the shitty things that bother me, however big or small those are.


In the mean time, I had some odd guests in my bed room.

 

No, not those, these live there all the time.

No matter how lame it sounds, I really am PC, and I have even joined "I Hate Mac" web forum. But my bosses are Mac worshippers, who keeps giving me their old Macs. And I am not kind of a person who can say "No" to freebies. They are old so I can't even re-sell them.

cables, cables, cables

This is my bed room a while ago, trying to transfer all the files before getting rid of one computer. (In all I had 4 computers in the room for a few nights, 5 in total in my flat.) I do not make a living by being SE or anything. I mean, look at my 40p mouse pad from Ikea with roller-balled mouse (non-optic one! Who has got them still?) with ducks around them, do I look like someone who can use so many computers at once for some clever computery purposes? (Am too pretty for that! ;p)

I think I have 6 key boards...

Overdressing as Usual

the dress

The boss's birthday party was fun. I showed up in a fabulous tribe dress, which belongs to my country's neighbouring continent, just because they can't tell the difference. Had most of the drinks bought by people who usually tip me, (thank you, you guys are so nice, and I mean it) and had a fun time.

I always overdress, I am known for this. Maybe one day I will be noticed for this bad habit.

"You know that person who always shows up alone in OTT outfit?"
"Yeah, I bet she will make a fab party decoration. Let's invite her to our reception!"

Anyway, the reason I posted the last entry is, because I was told that I was being a baby for complaining about my boss's behaviour and I should just take whatever he gives, since it is a job and I am getting paid for it.

Like I said, I have 2 jobs, one of which I take whatever given just because I get paid. They treat me like a second class citizen, and they say whatever they feel like, which revert within a day or two, and have I ever complained? Not really. Some girls there said I am such a push-over. Well, maybe I am. But when you work in a skill-less job, which a 14 yrs old can hack, then getting yelled at can be life-endingly demeaning, or just meaningless whatsoever. I defined latter. I get paid to be yelled at, because their pay get me my next car in 3 yrs time, or a new bathroom in next 2 yrs.

This leaves me with one job where I actually do something with learned skills. This is where my opinion matters because I am making money for the company, and they are not treating me appropriately for my performances. Yes, it is a job but they have no right to make my life difficult when I am working for such a low wages without making some points to them that they are in wrong, employment law wise.

So I said what I thought, and one boss did not like it. Knowing then than ever what an idiot he really, truly is, I then turned into a complete brown noser because I knew I was still in right therefore, in short, he is a loser and I am the winner.

I don't really look at my life evaluating who wins and who loses, life is much more complicated, but this is a good way to reason with your own pride. Howelse one can survive?

I Can Do This Forever

I had a massive fight with my boss the other day, although I was merely explaining what is needed to be done and he was upset because he could only think that I was going against him.

Didn't quite understand why he was so angry, as the matter was so minuscule and we have argued about bigger things before for the longer duration and he didn't take those that far.

Well, I knew I had to suck up to him, ESPECIALLY since I was up for a promotion in next coming month or two, though he should not be directly deciding my position as the company's big boss has already decided it's about time I go up a notch.

So I asked my boss to have a little chat with me, and I apologized like my life depended on it, didn't say a word back when he still went on how badly I acted, and I was all sympathetic about how tough the economy is on him personally as a manager, and I was suggesting that I do extra work for him so he will manage our team more smoothly.

My boss is really not the best boss in the world. He is micro-managing us for no reason other than he likes to be in charge of everything, and he slacks on many things but would not let us do any of those slacking. He does not like to be negotiated, and he is rather clueless on what is actually happening in the team.

I am so kidding when I say I can do this forever, I hate my boss, I hate some things he did to me in the past, I think he is heartless, selfish, power driven bastard. But if me sucking up actually makes my life better with extra buck or two in my purse each week, then , yeah, I can do that. I can totally do that for my babies who chew everything in my place and beyond.

I am a bread-winner. (Say this like Mr. Firestein in "Torch Song Trilogy" when he announces that he is an entertainer.)

Happy Birthday Nicolas.

Here is what I bought for my the other boss. (I have 2 jobs.) This boss is alright, really.

There was This Big Guy

Went to work at a pub, there goes a son of my boss. He says he is waiting for some people because he was in there the night before, made some inappropriate sexual comments on a girl behind the bar. The girl happened to be 17, and told parents, who have phoned up and now coming to have a "chat".

My bosses' another son, who was in charge of the place the night before, was also there, telling his brother to behave and apologize.

Then the parents walk in, 15 min later than expected, grabbed one of the guys, yelling, while his misses shouting that he is a sexual predator. The guy is big, and he is now really going for it as his little girl was verbally raped.

Well, OK, my boss's son is an idiot, he made a pass on me before while his wife was sleeping upstairs. He is up to no good, and the whole family of his is doomed to no good end, and he drinks a lot. But, there are loads of 30 something shagging 17 yrs old and is considered to be "you are sick but also are lucky son-of-a-gun" purely because the society expects 17 yrs old to be able to say yes or no when the offer is made. I think it is getting almost impossible to find 17 yrs virgin around there anyway.

Plus, if you are letting your 17 yrs old daughter work in a pub, then don't expect it to be all clean and sweet, it's a pub and not a church. And it certainly isn't a school where her boss makes sure that no-body makes sexual advances on her.

OK, it's kinda nice and macho that her daddy will get any bad bud around her, but it is wrong that he ended up hitting a wrong brother. All this time I was talking to this family with 2 babies in their arms, trying to smooth the air out so they'd be not uncomfortable.

And, yes, my boss's son is an idiot, no doubt about that.

My boss's dogs, who happened to be super lovely xx