Come On Out, Wherever You Are

I think I am working with a closet case. That's fine and dandy, one can choose to be in or out, especially in an environment like a work place. What hurts me is that he is "in" with me after me going on and on about me supporting all the gay rights.

 

Years back there was a time when it is not so common to come out, and coming out was a gigantic deal to anyone. You come out only once and you didn't retrieve it, or went back in again. But, because it was a big deal it was exactly the time people wanted everyone to come out. Probably we were trying to make a team effort or something.

 

Then I met T-Ree, who told me strongly that coming-out is not always a good thing to everyone, and it can be an act of selfishness. He then said he would never dream of telling his family because it would crush them badly.

 

Ever since then my opinion of coming out has become quite flexible. You don't do it because it is  a COOL thing to do, and it IS a personal thing to do, and it SHOULD be done with one's own decision.

 

I have always been a fag-hag wannabe. ALWAYS. Am, in one way or more, more of a gay man than many newbies, and am proud of it. Being a part of the society and knowing about it was the first thing I felt natural doing it. I wanted to be born a man, and I still wish I can dress in men's clothes and look good than looking like this. I am your next door gay neighbour you don't get turned on.

 

And gay men hate me for exactly that, or, at least, pay no attention for what I am. Even when I practically say to their face that I majored in gay culture and am there if they need to know the name of the dancer in a 1956 musical film, they seem to take no interest.

 

THIS one closet case ACTUALLY denied that he is gay when I asked him casually, and very indirectly. He then went on criticizing my taste in musicals by quoting what sounded like some bitchy queens. That felt to me like he is dropping King-Cong size hints to annoy me. (His hair look's like Jack McFarland's, he has a cat, he knows all the designer names, he didn't even pause when I said "I like Ian McKee because I kinda collect gay films," he says "spunk", and he took an afternoon off to attend the premier of West End version of Evita.) Fine, fine, so you hate me for my high school sociology paper. So you hate me for my photo projects upon World AIDS Day. You hate me, you really, really hate me.

 

Don't like offending people. But, like I appreciate your choice of life style, it would be nice if you could accept this as mine. We don't even have to interact.

When You Really Like Something

You will like that something for a very long time.

I remember the time I saw Mark Lamarr after 3 long years of not remembering his existence, I was stricken by a lightning, or so it felt very much like. He was on TV, doing Radio2 commercial, WITHOUT the quiff, looking absolutely different, and still took my breath away.
"WHO IS that guy on telly???!!!"
I screamed like I never did for a man in my entire life.

It was somewhat like that with Presidents of the USA. It was like that with D. It was like that with Rimmer. It was like that with you know who.

And, yes, it was definitely like that with RENT.

T-Ree first introduced me to Rent back in '98, I think it was. He told me how amazing it is, trying to describe the story by saying,

"Well, it is about rent."

and went on saying it is based on La Boheme. I distinctly remember thinking how many people do know the story of La Boheme. Two years later I was telling some friend how great Rent is by saying,

"Well, it is based on La Boheme."

Anyway, took me lot more convincing to actually go and see the show. And I finally did it with my folks. (That's how much I wasn't aware of the actual story line.) Half way through the show I fell asleep because I was exhausted from my folks' nagging all that day along.

I think I fell asleep at the Tango scene. I can't remember when I got up, but I do remember that I began crying and couldn't stop.

Rent is cheesy. Rent is slightly out-dated. And Rent is super fab.

I went to see the show again in London, and it was the first and last time I went to see the same show more than once. Mark was played by Joseph McFadden. He was fantastic, and so was everyone else.

I went all the way to N.Y. to see the show. Angel was played by Andy Senor, whom I once saw in London. He was pimping himself out (he posed with you for a photo-op if you paid handsomely) to get donations for a good cause.

I went to see the show again in Baltimore. I remember one guy walking out saying how stupid and terrible that two dykes kissing and a boy dressing in drag.

Rent was finally made into a movie. It took years for it to actually finish the production. During which time the scripts were leaked and directors were changed.

I was waiting and waiting, and heaven knows how many times I listened to the CDs. Rent was the only one of the few things I stood up for when other people showed obvious disagreement with. Numerous people scoffed at me and switched off the CD player. Well, it's your loss, baby.

So, the time has finally came for Rent the Movie. I drove to Riverside and sat down in a small cinema. I had to sit through the god awful Sin City before Rent started. And 5 minutes into Rent a guy stood and left. Just normale.

OK, there were a few things I didn't like in the movie. There were undeniably better bits in movie to the musical. I mouthed along the entire movie. I LOVED it. They did a good job. It was full of love and was for love of Rent. Good sound track. Good scenery setting. Good use of props. I thank the production team for giving me this movie.

I was saying it before thinking how corny it is, and I am saying it again.

The opposite of War is not Peace, it's Creation.

Act Up, Fight Aids.

10 Things I hate About My Job

1. People there are weird.

2. People there are weird.

3. People there all have iPod.

4. People there speak funny language.

5. People there have no life but have sex.

6. People there have dodgy and dark backgrounds you are not supposed to poke.

7. There are not enough people there.

8. There is nowhere to eat around apart from a chippy.

9. I have to have my lunch alone.

10. I have to go through Bracknell to get there.

999 Now

And now it's the 1000 th hit!!!

Great journey it was. Hope to go on. Thanks to everyone who visited.

Elvis Has Left the Building

My uncle quit smoking. Last year, he did, apparently. He was a life long heavy smoker, around 30 a day, and a very old fashioned guy when it comes to the roles of a man in a house. His wife, my aunt, is like a house maid when guests are around, and they kept that master and service person style for as long as they are together.

 

When I was a lad it seemed normal. There were tons of married couple like that. Even my own had slight tendency towards holding guy's position higher in a house. Then as I grew, as my cousins grew, it became painfully old fashioned for women to say, "Yes, sir," to everything husbands say. Yet they never stopped. Nothing changed in their household.

 

My uncle was a bit of a revel in his youth, and he still is very active in seeking anything that interests him. He has so many hobbies, some of which he does almost to the professional standards. Still, he keeps things the same in his house as a husband, or more like, as a man. He smoked and drunk the same, in his old slobbering track suites, ordered his wife to fetch ice and fix some salty snacks.

 

Then it came the news of his quitting smoking. He quit smoking, thus had changes in taste for food, and is having less and different drinks. When we went for a snack he ordered Darjeeling tea and said he is now hooked on them!! My uncle sipping Darjeeling!!! And he also says he doesn't eat oily and salty food any more and now is really watching his health. And he is now exercising!!! He is talking long walks with his wife, appreciating "THEIR" times together as their kids are now gone.

 

What is next, really. I feel like gambling. Anything is possible, yet again, and I wanna take part in guessing the fate's next move, would be wicked if I made money out of it. What's next for me? What's happening to the world?

ello screever

Working amongst vile G5s and people who keep saying,

"I sink,"

and

"I will ship this drink,"

and

"I am moving into a bedshit,"

and

"flee of charge"

 

and if I go all corrective I get to be called a gunta by a punk whose parents are from my country but who has a Brit passport. Nobber out of daiture I say nanti, am just thankful I get them anyhow. It's like a gift, or skill, takes years of training. But sometimes, after hearing this sticky dona with lally goes on and on about her charvering some omi, or hearing a chavie yelling a BT fish down a phone out of keenness towards work, I do feel a little more Auntie Nall than molly cull.

 

I know I got the messe attitude, and it's not competition, and I will never win anyway, and yet can't help but to wonder if I should be there at all. It's just completely new and afresh, exactly what I needed, or at least one of what I need, yet I am dazed and lost in a little universe of abnormality. Maybe I am expecting too much of bonaroo, maybe I should just think of measures.

Something New, Something Tall

I am back from retreat. That's all I have to say about that.

 

 

While I was away, I saw this REALLY tall guy. I thought he was walking on stilts, or something. He was that tall. Couldn't believe me eyes, so were other people around me, they followed around this guy like little Asian kids asking for chocolates from soldiers right after they bombed their villages. While these people followed around his long, long legs, I couldn't be sure how this guy's legs were build. I mean, are they real, or are they bamboo?

 

He walked right across my sight, quickly showing (oh, he was walking so fast! His compasses were like 160cm each!!) his real knee joints. My god, he is a real thing!

 

I dashed and joined the crowd, trying to see the guy once more. And my mind went into a state of hysteria!!

 

There was another one walking besides the first guy!! And he is even taller than the first one!!

 

They both stuck high above from the rest of the crowd. I found out they are 240cm tall or something, and indeed the tallest men on the earth's face. That sight was insane. Everyone was sticking the hands up with their mobile phones, trying to get a snap shot. It was crazy. I thought I finally lost it for a sec.