Entire life flashing in front of the eyes...

So, this guy walks in to the pub, and I noticed that he was the guy I used to know in college, whom I have spoken with for total of 2 hrs 5 yrs ago, whose telephone number I did not have, despite the fact everyone had everyone's number in that place.

 

All I recalled up until then was his face and name. I had no interest in him, or his circle of friends, and I was rather happy not knowing him.

 

So this guy walks in, with a girl, and within 3 minutes I just remembered EVERYTING.

 

I remembered where he had his flat.

 

I remembered that he had a family history of diabetes.

 

I remembered that he had a Norwich terrier stolen when he was little.

 

I remembered that everyone at college was talking about his cuts.

 

I remembered that I have never seem him smile.

 

I remembered that he left college before I did.

 

These must have been all the information I have had about him, and I seemed to have recalled them all within 3 minutes.

 

 

Today, an old friend of mine rang the bell and woke me up from the bed of cold. I have not seen this guy for, again, 5 yrs, and I've only known him for about 2 days and 3 nights. He and his friends used to come to my place for free booze.

 

Again, I remembered everything within about 5 minutes. About his family, his sisters, his driving lessons, his friend throwing up in my bathroom, the whole lot.

 

I even remembered the song we all used to sing, "American Woman" after his incidence with an American, whom we all used to avoid for her "quality".

 

American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama let me be
Don't come hangin' around my door
I don't wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
Than spend my time growin' old with you
Now woman, I said stay away,
American woman, listen what I say.

 

5 yrs ago, I had no interest in anyone. In fact, I did my utmost to pay no attention whatsoever to anyone. I was so afraid of getting to know people who will eventually leave me. I was so afraid of hurting people by showing any of my interest in them. And I have succeeded to such an extent I hardly knew anything about anybody in college. And they have all left and I never expected anyone back in my life.

 

Funny how I remembered the things even I didn't know I knew to begin with. Funny how it took only minutes to have them all back flooding to my brain when I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night. Isn't that what happen to old people, is not it the sign of senile, am I heading towards the end?

 

Oh, well, I had this feeling 7 yrs ago, maybe it's a cycle thing.

Luxury of Life

My idea of being well-off is to be able to buy Pantene conditioner every time I need it, instead of mixing them up with Boots Detangle Blue (priced 70p), which is still very, very good but is still a cheap alternative.

I would feel safe and sound if I was able to go to the hairdresser every 10 months, instead of every 15 months, and not forcing myself to live on 7p noodle for next 2 weeks to meet end's need.

It would be rather spoiled of me if I was able to afford a single meal at KFC instead of a family bucket that to be frozen in order to be consumed during the period of next 5 months.

My idea of well-off is NOT £4.10 glass of Merlot, served in a wine glass with some lip-stick on, while munching £3.60 a teacup full of chips served with individual sachets of Heinz ketchup. That is pretty unnecessary and is not my idea of having it in a good way.

I probably am distant to live a life with no silver spoon in my mouth. That's probably why I always hang with people who always make me their mug.

’cause I care

I once wrote in my CV,
"Customer care is my passion,"
and felt so corny writing it. Well, it was actually stating the obvious, and that I never was at ease admitting it; customer care IS my passion.

I slam the phone, bang the keyboard, and yell at the supplier, which all make my work people uncomfortable, I was even told that I am "off" because I do these things. Well, let me tell ya, I am appearing to be annoyed, because I am and you should easily see from this how dedicated I am to these stupid customers who are too lazy to call their phone company themselves.

In fact, I am so emotional when it comes to work and other people, because I am so fuckin' dedicated to each and every one of you. I fuckin' care. (Look how mad you just made me.)

If I don't give a toss about any sod I will be lot calmer and lot happier, at least in appearance. I am only annoyed and mad and pulling my hair out because I care for you. I wish I were like certain you, who just go on about each day, saying,
"It's only work."

It's only work, it's only friend, it's only another fling. I wish I never cared.

My Suckee

As I stand in the kitchen, making up ketchup ramekins with teaspoons stuck in for each table, I hear a voice. It's from Radio2, and I never listen to Radio2. I stand still and listen up, and think that I am paranoia. It cannot be him. How many times do I do this in my life time, totally stunned by ghost of him just because he is so fabulous?

I wrote about this before, how he took my breath away in a first sight after 3 long years of absence. God, I love this guy.

I wonder what it is about him, apart from the face I think is the most mouth-wateringly delicious, and that accent which is so common I can just inhale in every second of my life without having any irritation. How could someone just strike me with a lightning with just showing his face up for a second, or ranting with Jo Brand and still made me come to a complete halt, before I can even start to think it was him.

It is a good thing that I am naff (not dull, but naff) and not looking. Otherwise I would be stalking Mark with all my spare time till he asks for restraining order then I have to quit my job and stalk him at unexpected times.

I am a sucker for Mark and I wold do ANYTHING for this guy just because he stuns me like very first creme buree stunned me. Dreamy, indeed.

Poison, Egoist and Night Flight

This is 2nd of September. 2nd!! Why am I swamped with perfume commercials while watching Frasier weekend??? I refuse, yet again, to be suffocated with smell of festivity while still nauseated in the fume of recently forgotten summer sun.

Perfume ads should be banned, they are potentially murderous.

I Hope Today was the Worst Day of My Life

From 9.30 to 11.30 our supplier kept hanging up on me 6 times in a row,

and when finally got through they asked to speak to a man (because I am his imaginary Mrs.,)

so I handed the phone to my big boss, whom I assume knew the tricks,

and the big boss started panicking and so I told him it's OK, but the call was still hang up,

and the big boss started instant messaging me why I was not reporting him if he did a bad deed causing some trouble, (like I can tell my boss that he messed up because he forgot our conversation of 3 months ago,)

and he went how rude and unsympathetic I was for not telling him anything, kept him hangin' (because I was sorting the mess he caused,)

and he told me to make others aware of my calling to supplier in the future, which I responded I would definitely,

and he repeated that I was rude and that in the future I should be more informative rather than nipping through to kitchen to grab a cup of tea,

I said yes,

and he repeated himself once again,

so I said I won't bother him again with this as it was very difficult to inform him what was going on around my desk,

and he snapped and went on for 20 min how rude I was,

before letting me go so I could call up our supplier for next 5 hrs,

And work mate tells me that it was all my fault that boss snapped,

and the only friend I have there told me that basically I was inhumanly lacking the common sense and that's how I was making everyone around me suffer,

so I apologised to her by saying how sad it was for the company to keep me on, as well as the co-workers to had to tolerate and suffer from me,

and she tells me that is exactly why I have to change,

at which point I called her bitch.

Then after all this I was ready to go home and another guy send a message telling me not to work on my home PC during the work hours,

and I said that it was unavoidable and pre-arranged, and that he didn't have to tell me because I am so upset that my PC is actually broken and that I had no money to replace it.

I went to see a friend and watched JAWS and felt slightly better at last, so said bye-bye to her and went home.

This bloody red Micra was blocking my driveway, which was my pet-peeve as well as illegal,

nobody came out after me honking,

so I had to park on the kerb, blocking next door's drive way.

Next door came home and so I went out to apologise, and he suggested that I could still park if I squeeze through a tree and a brick wall.

Now, I am not a novice driver and I know if I can squeeze into things or not pretty well. In fact that's how I never scratched my car before. My car only bares the sand scratches from hard driving on motorways.

But this neighbour guy insisted to assist me, and I had to trust him rather than my judgement.

My brain said it was not going to work but he kept telling me to go,

and I heard this BAD noise.

He still said to go, in spite of my protest, and so I went, and there was even bigger noise.

Now this guy was kneeling down besides my car, clearly not looking pink,

I kept asking if it was scratched and he wouldn't answer.

I got out and there was this huge dent and scratch on the side. He said there was a brick sticking out from the wall (dah!) and I went OMG for 5 times before going into pieces and began sobbing. This guy then actually run away.

I did not enjoy today. It was Gazpacho Soup day bad. I haven't felt this shitty for a long time, and certainly never for all day long. Someone so miserable like I am should not deserve the day like this because it is pushing one to the edge. I rather have petite misery every day for whole month than having this again.

Please.

Are You Being Served?

I remember the first time I stepped into THE department store. The rotating glass doors were followed by costumed guards who told tourists to take the satchels off their back, then letting them to walk to hugely elaborated displays of the finest merchandise. It was a dream land. I especially loved the food court, with headless pheasants and pigeons in cold cases, with wall full of selections of wines, champagne and shelly. I loved the tea and coffee department, too. The clerks would let you sniff the tea leaves out of huge green tins, by taking out some onto the lid of the tin. They carried those tins like they are dancing with them.

It has been over 15 years ago. I went back there 10 years ago, and the place was already changing. The dreamy atmosphere was fading away. It was getting a bit common. But the tea and coffee department was surprisingly preserved in time, with this very English clerk looking professional and efficient. I ordered teas out of big green tins and he carried the tins to me, letting me sniff them, and tossing lids to weight out 100g of Flowery Earl Grey. He called me madam and I was still in teens.

I went back there once a year and the same clerk was serving me tea leaves for years.

One year, I decided that I want to buy morning tea, so asked for a bag of Morning Kick. The clerk came to me with the tin, and weighed 100g of leaves out, and put the label on the bag, then handed the bag with usual classy air, saying,
"Here is your Morning Fuck, madam."

That clerk has since gone, possibly to some other department, and I do miss him so much. The department store is really quite common and touristy now, feels like he took that dreamy air with him, leaving me totally served...