On and Off

Boss asked me to cover for someone by doing a double shifts, and so I went and worked my behind off for 9 hours or so, it was crazy busy.

All these time the girls collected coca-cola tabs for me, so I can get a free t-shirt from coca-cola GB, which amounted to more than a handful.

Thank you, girls xx

I am so lazy, and not very good at using time, so I work. If I work I don't waste my time, and I get to earn some dough. If no work I bum around to no end. It's like having on-off switch, and working is like forcing myself to be "on". Otherwise am permanently off. How disgusting and lowly motivated way to live, me thinks.

That was Saturday, and then came home and had some "well-done-me" drinks, and went to bed around 4am. Woke up just before 10am on Sunday, which is brilliantly early for me, and thought this was too good to be true. This is so not me, I don't do normal stuff like getting up in AM on Sundays. Nah, I don't buy it.

Next thing, I opened my eyes and saw clocking ticking close to 5pm. Nah, I don't buy it either, my eyes were closed only for a few min. Couldn't be 5pm already. Nah, no way.

But unfortunately it really was 5 O'clock. My hoping for doing few bits and bobs today was totally out of window. This is how my life is only consisted of work, work and more work. I am becoming my father.

Well am rested well and ready for another week filled work, work and more work.

Happy Mondays, everyone!

I am so full of it

In the past few weeks, I had an opportunity or two to join a group of work related people to have some food and drinks. When a bunch of people get together to just have fun drinks and such there is always one queen bee (whether it's a guy or girl) who has to be the centre of attention.

I actually am one of those bees, BUT, I also am a timid character without alcohol, so tend to give away my bee chair to someone else after a while, so someone else can start chatting away about himself.

Once I retire from the bee chair I sit back and start watching people fire away with autobiographical stories, which was waiting to burst out while I was yammering mine.

Then I think;
How boring the story is,
How loud they are,
How lame their opinions of things are,

The church where Last Supper is at.
Slightly more interesting than my yammering :p

and instantly begin to hate myself for thinking those things. I am full of crap, can't even go on without having all eyes on me for 1 min?


Well, actually, it is not like I do not enjoy hearing them. It is all very interesting to see different sides of people after a drink or two, and hearing about their private stories. It is more about my expectation speaking;
These people who boss me around has something to say, and this was all what they can come up with??

I have 2 jobs and a part of my job is actually to listen to drunk people talk about absolutely nothing. I love hearing non-nonsensical and really trivial stuff that's never going to help me in any way. I love low-intelligent conversations and stories without any firm conclusions. I just do not enjoy them coming from people I personally know too well, I guess. he difference of their colours, so to speak, is insurmountable, and absurdly boring. What is that??

Me and My Sundays

There are so many things I am not good at doing, one of which is to spend weekend / time off.

I never liked Sundays. I do not hate them, just dislike them, I get Sunday blues.

There is nothing wrong with Sundays, I love the fact that I don't have to get up to go to work, but then I usually sleep till I get up, which often means half of the day gets wasted in bed, and by the time am up I am exhausted from too much sleep, of which usually the cause of headache for the rest of the day. It's impossible to sleep well that evening because I cannot be tired in half a day regardless of how hard I try / play / work and a lousy Monday awaits.

Some times I do force myself to get up in the AM and force myself even harder to do useful things like house chores / sort out the week / shopping like any functional adults would be doing on their day offs, but then I end up having nothing to do in the evening.

Getting bored on Sunday means getting REALLY bored; there's nothing on telly on Sundays and it is too late to call out for friends because everyone else have useful and lovely things to do with loved ones and friends and families. So I end of trying not to stay bored possibly accompanied with glass or two or more of wine while rewarding oneself for being functional till then, and that's never good.

I start thinking too many unnecessary stuff, usually get sad, while dreading the next day because I have to work again, all these while am getting drunk.

Today I got up at 11.30am, which is good in my sense, did some house stuff, and bid and won something on eBay, then was getting ready to take dogs out when my eyes got so heavy and decided to nap for an hour. Next thing I was getting up and it was in complete darkness, and realized it was 9pm. 9 PM!?!? OMG.

Been to Italian Riviera with family.
Should write something of it soon..

In sheer panic and shame I think of the stuff I actually HAVE to do in next few hours, but the reality is that I will probably not going to sleep tonight, giving me all night to do anything I have to do, and that's not good because I have a busy week ahead. I may need to knock myself out with some binge drinking, oh dear.

There are loads of busy folks out there who never stop even on their time offs, and I think these people either enjoy making their life to look busier than it actually is in order to make them look more important or hard working etc., or they are just very very functional and getting million more things done than the likes of me. Either way I wish I were like that. (And that's why I was working 7 days a week at one point, just not to get Sunday blues.)

This is to say I am sorry for my wasted Sunday and next weekend, I promise, to be better one. Hope everyone else had a nice weekend!

Story of My Deformity 4

So they basically forced me to work in such a condition, and while my intention was to help my team with paper work they further insisted that I make sales call from my house, too.

My land line was my own, and my company had no right to make me calls from my house. But my boss basically said that I am not doing much by working remotely and of course it is my duty that I do so.

Nothing beats watching a huge communal tank full of
flying fish
when it comes to releasing stress :)

This is when I finally snapped and started write of break-down of my daily work at home, basically stating that I was working 13 hours a day (normally 8 hrs/day) because remote network was so slow and I needed extra time to finish each task, therefore doing just as much amount for work as I were in the office, and that my boss obviously didn't know how the team worked day by day.

The time like this actually made me rethink my future with the company. I seriously was disappointed by their treatment towards me. They don't deserve me in any way and I can do better than being treated this badly.

So, next summer, when my contract is up, I will be saying sayonara to their faces and I will not give a toss whether they find someone else who can even do half of what I do for them.

What an lousy entry, a whole bunch of them, I apologize. I will return to normal blogging in next one.
Guess just needed to offload.

(Am doing ok, thank you DD x)

Story of My Deformity 3

To answer my caring friend's comment, yes, I was well looked after while I was house bound. Someone who was kind enough to worry that I'd die if I didn't eat for a day (in reality I can go on for 3 days for sure as I have stored up enough fat and sugar!) came by with bags of groceries from Marks!

So my work finally got the picture on how serious the damage was,

BUT,

I did casually mention that I could do some desk work if required,

and next thing they were setting my computer up remotely, got that ready in an hour, and my boss was saying,

"So can you pick it up from there, start doing them applications now?"

What? I came back from A&E at 2am this morning, and am still in the torn pants and in pain and all and you want me to work NOW???

So they insisted that I work from home that way. I was not even given 1 day off.

to be continued... (Next one should be the last, hopefully.)

Story of My Deformity 2

Once dislocated knee is back in place then it is a matter of "what has been damaged or not?" but no longer about pain.

I walked (last time I was carried) using temporary brace and my crutches, and then carried onto ambulance, and off I went to the Royal Berks. Thank goodness for NHS and their very skillful staff.

On arrival my waiting time was announced to be around 4 hours, and I just sat in a very well air conditioned examination room for ages, while hearing some guy been treated for his dislocated shoulder in the next room, who seemed have done it while doing some charity sports event. All his colleagues were there cheering him up praising his bravery, promising him that his work will be covered by them and they were all happy for him to take some time off. I also sat nearby a very disoriented guy who was covered in blood, weeping how he tried to top himself because his wife has left him. I was also pushed around a few times passing in front of a young guy who was hand cuffed and was guarded by 2 police men, but didn't get to find out what this one did.

I think I arrived there around 8pm or 9pm, and was there for at least 4 hours. By 10pm I have texted everyone at work explaining what was happening, and how serious the injury was, and that I am not going to work the following day. Most of them texted back, except for general managers.

I got up next day and thought I'd better call work and discuss my options. At this point I have no strength in my right knee, and was strapped in a big fat knee brace, still in the clothes I was wearing from the time of collapse because I was wearing a sweat pants that required the brace to be removed for changing. I was also in pain and could not sit in a chair for a long time unless my whole right leg was supported.

blurtin' blur

"Hi boss, how is it going, is everyone panicking as am not coming in?"
I asked. He replied,
"It's not too bad now, but if it's going to be more than a couple of days?"
I interrupted him right there,
"It will be more than couple of WEEKS!!"

The point there was that I have to drive to work, or take trains (so many I can't count how many) to get to work, and those 2 options were improbable due to the fact;

1. I could not walk
2. I could not move or bend my right knee to maneuver my car.

"How long are you talking about, really?"
Boss asked,
"Took me months last time, but can't say till I see a doctor next week."

was my answer.

to be continued...

Story of My Deformity

This was a while back, I was at a private hospital, having my knees examined by mum's boss (bone specialist) who took so many X-rays and then wiggled my legs and knees and then said,
"Well, you are born with deformity in your knees."

Did not think the choice of words he used were nice, but that basically was that, I have knees that are abnormal. I happened to have a dent on my ear, so that makes 3 in total. I don't mind having something that are just mine, really.

What it is, though, is that my knee caps are rather loose and my knees are very easily popped. Have done so twice in past 8 years, and it had happened again 4 weeks ago.

I was watering my garden, and thought about washing my car as the hose was set towards where car was parked. So I went inside to get a bucket, and found it, then bent my body backward to grab a sponge which was right behind me. Then next thing I've lost balance and I was on floor. I knew what had happened, but I was in such a pain and shock I couldn't move to see my knee to check it.

A minute had passed and I put all my remaining guts and energy to look down (or up in this case, as I was laying on the floor and my thigh was up in the air,) and sure enough, there was a lower part of my leg missing below my knee,but just hanging off the joint.

Paramedics cut open my sweat pants
(@£3 from George!)

I began screaming as if I was being murdered, through the open door, as loud as I can. It was late afternoon to early evening and I knew people will hear me, but, man, that felt like it was forever before someone said,
"What is the matter?"

It was quite lucky that I had my knee dislocated at that time of the day, at where I was at. I had all my necessities in visible proximity, and even had my crutches next to me from the last dislocation.

Paramedics arrived within 30 min, gave me laughing gas, and snapped my knee back in place, which is one of the worst things I had to experience.

This story goes on for a bit as that was the only beginning. Well, let's just say, thanks to my neighbours, paramedics and my crush I am OK today, and am walking about with some aid of crutches.


to be continued...

Eternal Entity

I use a mobile phone which connects with my PC and backs up everything. The software for it also works as a modem so one can type on PC then send it as txts. This function, as far as I know, is a bit rare thing and for a txt addict like me it really is an essential tool, preventing me to move onto a smart phone.

I like keeping my txt messages, especially from someone whom I am crazy for. I keep all the txts I have ever received from Mr. EggBe, and the same goes for my crush.

Used to the same for the guy who has gotten rid of me 12 months ago, and I still have them somewhere in my hard drive. But even back when I was madly "in" with that guy I knew very much that there will be a day when I find the files and thing,
"Why on earth did I ever obsess over stupid messages like them?"

Today the software started acting up and I have lost all my old texts received since this March. I am guessing that's about 1500 txt messages from my crush. They just went and nowhere to be found. I have no idea what they said, I never had chance to read them back as there were so many, and I naturally panicked. Oh dear, what am I to do now, my record of correspondence with someone who mean so much to me...

But then again, do I feel this way for how long? I mean he could be gone tomorrow, and I can immediately start hating him from tonight if anything happens. Why am I clinging onto memory that's 3 months old to a day old. Age of memory makes no difference, the only common thing is that,

it has happened, and it is in the past,

move on, forget storing them somewhere,

just keep going.

Mr. EggBe once told me, once someone stop contacting you then make sure to erase that person's number. The person has chosen exist from your life and there's no use waiting for it to return. There's no sin in forgetting someone who left you.

I am a storere, my house is full of junk,

but some day, I will just get rid of them all. And who knows, he may be waiting for you 2 days from today, 2 years from today, 20 years from today.

Happiness Within?

I took a day off and went to Gloucestershire to feed Penguins

It was my first day off, as in a day of fun, since forever, and I just wanted to take my dogs and a friend to Gloucestershire to see King Penguins.

My banner picture is of King Penguins I took last year in Berlin Zoo, and they were fat and beautiful, yet they were so far away from me, as their habitat was within a climate controlled glass room.

When we got to the Birdland in Bourton-on-the-Water, and as soon as walking into the birds area I pretty much came face to face with these fatties.

I could have touched them at this point.

My company was in a generous mood who also knew too well how hard I was working for weeks and weeks including weekends, for free, decided to surprise me with a gift of the right to feed penguins there. I was speechless when I found out this was pre-booked prior to our visit, and deeply touched.

Anyway, so here we went the feeding time, I was led through the back of the penguin house, and the keeper gave me all the instructions such as;

Do not pat penguins,
Do not pick the fish up from floor if you / penguins drop any,
Do not be startled by the hand reared penguins who will think you are the mum and will not leave you alone,
etc. etc.

This is me feeding the hand reared penguin who just stood around my feet like a kitten.

Meet "Spike" the Penguin.

The experience was once in the life time thing for me. The right to feed actually costs quite a bit, but not only that, the fact I was almost squished by hungry King Penguins while holding dead fish in my Marigolded hands were just too fun and joyous to be described by my limited vocabulary. It was just like a dream, but somehow a lot better than a dream.

It was quite a hard work though, feeding them birds. I mean, small penguins (Humboldt) ate small fish that were scattered into pool, but I find throwing fish at the right timing so the birds can catch them while swimming at the full speed was not a piece of cake.

Then there were Kings. I guess they weren't too starving or something, but I had to walk around remembering which penguin was fed and which was not, instead of let them come to me asking for food. Then I have to be patient before they open their beaks to swallow the fish. Some pecked me a lot, and some plain refused to eat.

The 4th penguin from the left, the kind of fluffy one, is the one who starred in Batman Returns, and he is apparently 32 yrs old (penguin year or human year, am not sure which.) He was limping a little but was a character. He ate from me, so that was cool :)

It was a fun day, and I thank my dear friend for the gift, and for spending this special day with me.

Penguins are simply so beautiful. And fat.

Flirt Alart!!

Was at a pub working tonight, and this Ship tycoon guy came in. He is extremely good looking, charming guy of early 40s, who drives a Porsche with a personalized registration number plate, and drinks Kronenberg.

Girls at the pub all think I fancy him, because I get a bit flirty around him. Sure, he is my type, I liked his looks even before I knew he was rich, but he is married. ....I only flirt for his car!!

Every time I see him drunk I coo up to him and say,
"Oh, I lurrve your car, will you let me touch it one day?"
and that's been going on for like 2 yrs now.

TONIGHT, he let me start his car engine.

"Dee, you sit there, and put your feet on the crutch all the way, aaaand turn the ignition, NOW!"

OMG, that rev!! I fell in love instantly!! I must have it!! Oh, Roy Sparks, I know what you were talking about now!! I want it so much!!

One day... maybe.

I love cars, love them, I do...

Thanks K-OB. Tomorrow you get in your car and wonder why the driver sheet is pulled up so far to the front. He-he.

Truman, Not Quite Capote

I used to write novels when I was in high school. Looking back now I was seriously talented, even though some of the stuff now makes me blush due to emotional overload. I think just had a good sense in human psychology and instinctively knew how current flows in day-to-day life, so to speak.

I've stopped writing when started to speak in non mother tongue language every day, because actually began forgetting my first language, and my priority was to adopt into new linguistic life.

Then I realized that I could no longer produce any novels because anything I wrote became so fake and appeared to be fictitious in my eyes. ...My actual life was far too dramatic and complicated already.

After then my life became even more dramatic and almost entertaining. I think it was around in 2005 when my friends started telling me that they couldn't keep up with my life story because there were too much stuff happening, it was almost like watching EastEnders!

These days the situation has not eased up at all, and I continue living life that is probably as "happening" as any day time dramas in American TV network, I don't even bother telling my friends any more. (It's just not possible to keep them updated. Way too many characters, way too many incidents, and way too perplexing emotions.) So much so I sometimes wonder if I am in one of those "Truman Show" type stuff and that my whole life is scripted by some producer.

Today was one of those days I was almost totally convinced that I was in such a show. Why 3 exes get in touch with me within 2 weeks, while my crush is calling me almost twice daily and texting non-stop declaring how he wishes to be with me, yet another ex texts me announcing he broke up with his GF?? That's 4 in 2.5 weeks!!! OK, this is too much twist, I can't take this any more. Ahhh leave me alone, what's next, what the heck!?!?!?

Oh, I bet they will kill my best friend off next, or will they bring my dead dog back into life???? or a second family my Dad was hiding???? What????

Co-Star (pretty much mended)

On a Day Like This

The sun was in its full power, shining down on us lounging in the long weekend,
I was being so lazy and it was getting later in the afternoon,
better start with my garden or I will grow root on my PC,

I got up and opened the front door while holding back Waywee,
all the while Figarion just jumped through me and ran out of the house.

He ran around for a sec and came back, only to run back into the busy road,
all I heard was a screech of a brake,

then saw my stupid dog running staright back to me,

I was shouting at him for not coming back to me when called,
why didn't you listen to me, young man, you are so silly,

I went back into the house but someone followed me and I heard the knock,
"Sweetheart, your dog WAS hit by a car so you have to take him to the vet,"
there was a stranger telling me this,

but Figarion was fine. He really was acting normal.
I sat holding Fig thinking what to do.
I poked him everywhere but Fig didn't yelp, so obviously nothing was broken, just a scartch or two.

I gave it a while, but Fig was still fine,
yet I took him to the vet, just in case, despite the out of hour fee.

The emergency vet was short staffed (everyone is on bloody holiday now due to Easter and Royal wedding bank holidays), it was totally unmanaged and chaotic,

when we walked into the consultaion room the vet shrieked and froze in front of my face and told me to step back,
before urging us to go into the next room.

Later I heard him telling his assistant,
"There is a dead cat in the cosultation room A, can you take of it for me?"
and I then knew why there was a crying couple standing outside when I arrived.

My stupid Fig was fine. He was costing me a fortune, but all I did was to hug him and told him that I was glad he was still with us.
"What would I have done if you were gone, don't you dare do that again."

Hope he learnet his lessons and now knows that car is not something he can run through.

Romance is...

When you are nuts about someone who is not supposed to be your object of the affection, everything you do with that person becomes the ground for debates. I am not going to proceed anything with my crush and the idea is mutual with him so we are remaining friends, but we do go out occasionally for a bite, and it looks, and feels like a date.

The other day we went out, and the Spanish place put us in the corner in a full view of Thames. It was late afternoon and sun was out, and was beautiful. We sat there look into each other's eyes, and I am thinking,
"How come this feels so right, and I am not with this person?"
I mean, I am not here's-to-looking-at-you-kiddo kind of person, in any situation, not even with boyfriends. I do not have an ounce of romance in my blood, that's what that is.

What was the worse part of this was that the entire time we were there there was a massive search going for a missing swimmer right in front of us, and there were police boats and coast guards going up and down in our view. We were also sat 3 yards from the missing guy's friend frantically calling people up in tears (not that we could hear as the guy was outside of the patio) and this should all negates any romantic notion, but it didn't.

Here I am in the middle of 4 day long weekend, completely oblivious to the Royal wedding fever, just thinking stuff as any other day.

My garden. Now taken over by myosotis, and two dogs.

SNS

This was my uni time, years and years ago...

My friend started dating this guy who was a year above us and also was rich. To me he was just money, because that's all he thought about when it came to the objectives of his life. He wasn't particularly good looking nor charming, and was always looking for a girl who is suitable for him and his family. My friend fit in the picture to him as she was extremely attractive and loved money, and was also a bit thick.

Before my friend he was b**ging some girls in his year (sorry for the way I put it but that's the most appropriate word,) but they were never his girlfriends, that sort of thing.

After my friend became his girlfriend he started telling her about his flings and one day my thick friend pointed at the girl afar and told me that that was his fling.

"Everyone is laughing at her and calling her a village bicycle, everyone had a ride."

She said, very demeaningly.

"I asked him how could you f**k someone like her and he told me he always did her from behind and made sure her face was buried in her pillow."

She continued triumphantly, laughing.

OK, so she was a bit of a slapper and was not so attractive, everyone may have had a bite, but did she deserve such a comment from whom just happened to become his girlfriend instead of his squeeze? And why are you laughing at her, this is some derogatory thing YOUR boyfriend did!!??

Well, I heard him talking equally disrespecting stuff about my friend and it just made me feel reassured that I saw him through from the beginning. This gave me a valuable lesson, never to be friend with someone who slags people off, because he / she will do that to you when you are out of sight.

But the point of this entry is that I recently found him on SNS (FB to be precise) and when I saw his profile the "bicycle" was in his list. O, you silly girl, you have not learned anything??

I can't stand these harmful, pretentious people who is out there to get anyone because they love nothing but themselves.

In totally unrelated subject,
I've got Fig on my foot.

It all happens all at once...

Today my crush confesses his love for me. Well, I didn't buy it. You can't fall for someone after only about 6 months of talking, texting, and emailing, without even kissing that person, nah, not real. (I have only touched his hand when handing back his change.)

In the meantime the guy who has gotten rid of me shows up at my door after 10 months.

Life is a funny place to be.

My boss is currently on his annual leave and I am supposed to be in charge of my team (me plus a nutty one). I have so much to do and cannot keep an eye on the loopy one, but am doing my best. It feels like a madness handing a load of work which is basically 3 times more than usual amount, while the weather has been crazy hot outside, it feels like I am in a bad dream, or on an acid trip I've heard so much about. All the flowers came out all at once, the scenery is of May now in the filed (bluebell, lilacs and wisterias all in bloom, can you believe that???) my dogs were panting in heat when walking.

Something is wrong. or changing. I can sense something is up. My herald told me some changes / commotions in March and April, one being the earthquake, I take it, so what's the other? What, what?

Can anyone sense that? There is something in the air, can you smell it?

No wonder I need them at work.
My work life savers xx

Blush!

My crush did not kidnap me in his car, and I had a really nice afternoon at his work place, looking at iSAM and all. The more I spend the time with him the more I am addicted to this guy yet the more I am becoming sure this is not going to work. All is confusing as all other things in my life are.

Today I took my Figarion (and Waywee) to a long walk in fields, and I let him off the leash so he can play fetch. He, then, immediately began running towards this Alsatian 1/6 mile away with a bunch of people and did not come back to me as I commanded.

He finally came back after these nice people told him to bugger off, running back to me, only to return to Alsatian and the people right away. I was so embarrassed from afar, just repeating his name like idiot, and commands to come back to me.

He did this 3 times, running back and forth. I was all red but luckily the people didn't see me as they are now 1/4 mile away, walking away from us.

It is a tough call to decide if I should be happy that he listens to me eventually while he chooses the time to listens to me. Well, I guess he does have brain, which suites him fine. (Waywee can never return to me, I know this.)

More from my new collection.
They are so cute, but
I wish they made Wales ones.

Crazy

My crush has been so sweet to me, it was very obvious that he liked me probably more than I did to him. He was constantly in touch with me throughout every day, I got used to him being around, and since I genuinely enjoyed his company it was becoming more than infatuation, but something with a bit more back bone.

and he got me this!!

I told him that I was crazy about him, (as in, I am crazy about these new luxuary compact cars, or I am crazy about fusion menues available in yappie restaurants, or I am crazy about fitness platform shoes.) My, was he chuffed to bits. He flipped with joy, and I freaked out seeing his reaction. Did I say the right word? I never knew "crazy" has to equale "in love"?? AM not in love with my crush, no, no, no!!

Next thing I know he was asking so what this lead us to next? Urrr, nowhere. This will not go anywhere, he is not right for me, so all is staying as is. Yet he invited me to pop around to his work place, and how could I say no to that, he works for THE company.

He suggested that he drives out to my work place and pick me up as this saves me driving as well as the congestion charge. I declined but he insisted.

Am going there this afternoon. Hope he won't kidnap me in his car.

Bill Evans and His Genius

Well, a friend asked me about Bill Evans, and I am taking advantage of writing up an entry about Bill.

Bill Evans is a jazz pianist who was classically trained and known for his improvisational style and experimenting attitudes with new technologies such as electric piano. He is, in my opinion, relatively unknown / forgotten musician; none of my friends who are into / play jazz knew who he was, even though they ALL got THE album, "Kind of Blue" by Miles Davis.

Miles Davis, "Kind of Blue" 1959

Bill Evans was the only white musician in Miles' sextet at the time of recording of "Kind of Blue", and said to have influenced Miles deeply during the session, where Miles took to impro heavily, while Bill Evans's problem with drug addiction worsened.

Bill Evans's music styles varied through years but he was always dedicated to his work and was a workaholic, which resulted in many, many albums, including many studio recoded albums.

I only have about 10 albums (He recorded about 50 or 60) and cannot say I know Bill Evans all that well, but his debut album "New Jazz Conceptions" was superb, and his second "Everybody Digs Bill Evans" is also amazing, which contains my absolute favourite "Peace Piece".

Bill Evans, "New Jazz Conception" 1956

Bill Evans, "Everybody Digs Bill Evans" 1958

"Peace Piece", to me, defines "beautiful music", it sounds more classical than jazz, and refreshing and very, very touching. Certainly not upbeat, but you must listen to this at least once to appreciate Bill Evans. 

As for live recordings he did produce many good quality recordings, interesting and diverse one is "Bill Evans at the Montreux Jazz Festival", as this is of very lively session, while Bill not making overstatement with his piano.

Bill Evans,
"Bill Evans at the Montreux Jazz Festival"
1968

His later recordings are slightly confusing, being similar to Miles Davis style in late 60's. With more electric samples the pieces sounds less soothing but more psychedelic.

He died in 1980 as the result of years of drug abuse.
I still dig Bill Evans and his genius today.

Chaos and How to Put it Under Control

My recent entries are so scatty and boring, I feel bad for whoever had to stop and skim through them. My outburst when facing chaotic situations is quite strong, I've known to react badly to certain things, however the affect is apparent only for a short while.

It is my life passion to learn how not to panic when facing all those unpleasant things. I was told the best way to know that there are other who suffer worse, and I believed that's the answer for years, but, well, that isn't it, clearly?

Telling someone to stop whining about such trivial matters because there are real problems happening to so many people in the world is easy  but is never practical. Yes, my problems are REALLY petty and stupid, but my suffering is real. Not just mine, anyone's any problem is real. And we all have to get over them, somehow.

That's what I've been trying to write here. Not about my problem, but how my problem affected me and how I am getting over it.

Well, so my latest attempt for putting things back to control is, to be honest with myself and talk it out (with myself or someone else.) Just stop lying to myself. Kinda worked.

zzzzz...

Contact is Being Made

...and this morning I have to spot his car on my way to work. "He" as in the guy who has gotten rid of me 9 months ago. I saw him where it was not his usual route, and I panicked, and (Ohhhh nooooo) texted him.

I don't know why I get like this. I know very well in my head that the past is past and life goes on and I should not look back, but my heart worships stuff like "grudge", "memory triggered feelings", "self pity (AKA Scorpion's staple food)", and ability "not being able to forget, generally".

Anyway, so texting went back and forth a few times. I can't do any work today. Can I go home and mope? I work very hard otherwise, so just today?