You know how you fantasise about having something, and you just want it more and more over a long period of time, and the idea of having it becomes some sort of obsession. Then one day, out of blue, or after making so much effort, it becomes yours. Then you just think, that, it is not as good as you thought it would be. "IT" can be anything. Can be a puppy, can be killer jeans, can be being size 0, can be your love, can be about living in City.
I am quite obsessive over materials, facts and figures, as well as theories, hypothesis and phenomena. I like ideas. And I like collecting things. I am a geek and am unique and proud of it.
When growing up, I was obsessively wanting to drive. It was not a short running dream, but rather a life long plan to be achieved one day.
It took years before I finally even set off to take lessons. My plan of "things to do before 30" was not at all going well, I did not buy a second hand mini when I was 25. I knew since 1990 that new "BIG" mini was coming out at around 2000, and I wanted to be prepared for it, by having a second hand mini for a couple of years, but I didn’t make it.
When preparing for the driving test people asked me what is the first thing I’d do after passing. I always said,
"Am going to garden centres, one after another. And will probably go midnight shopping in ASDA"
And that’s exactly what I was fantasising to do. Stindgy, but not from practicality. These are the things that represented the freedom to me. The joy of going to garden centres is strictly forbidden by any of my friends and such. The pleasure of cruising around in ASDA past midnight, looking for a carton of tomato juice only to go back to display fridge for a fresh one, only belongs to myself, none other.
When I finally passed, and started driving, it was not unlike what I thought it would be. It was actually better. The feeling of freedom, the fact I can hop to garden centres any time, and go to ASDA on a minute notice, not coming back till the trolley was filled with booze and veggies and meat. Then the driving extended to 20 mile range, 40 mile range and before long I was going to places 250 miles away.
Joy of freedom. Or, perhaps, the word "freedom" might be a wrong choice, because that word has touch sense of being positive and having your competitive sense fulfilled. What I feel is rather like "sense of detachment". How lovely feeling that is. Not wanting to want anybody, and not needing to realize not being wanted. I don’t even need a 2.0L car to ensure that feeling. I don’t need to go 200 mph to keep remembering that I am driving. All I need is a road, so I can keep going, leading straight to that high contrast sky, out of everyone’s sight, into my fantasy world.
I am quite obsessive over materials, facts and figures, as well as theories, hypothesis and phenomena. I like ideas. And I like collecting things. I am a geek and am unique and proud of it.
When growing up, I was obsessively wanting to drive. It was not a short running dream, but rather a life long plan to be achieved one day.
It took years before I finally even set off to take lessons. My plan of "things to do before 30" was not at all going well, I did not buy a second hand mini when I was 25. I knew since 1990 that new "BIG" mini was coming out at around 2000, and I wanted to be prepared for it, by having a second hand mini for a couple of years, but I didn’t make it.
When preparing for the driving test people asked me what is the first thing I’d do after passing. I always said,
"Am going to garden centres, one after another. And will probably go midnight shopping in ASDA"
And that’s exactly what I was fantasising to do. Stindgy, but not from practicality. These are the things that represented the freedom to me. The joy of going to garden centres is strictly forbidden by any of my friends and such. The pleasure of cruising around in ASDA past midnight, looking for a carton of tomato juice only to go back to display fridge for a fresh one, only belongs to myself, none other.
When I finally passed, and started driving, it was not unlike what I thought it would be. It was actually better. The feeling of freedom, the fact I can hop to garden centres any time, and go to ASDA on a minute notice, not coming back till the trolley was filled with booze and veggies and meat. Then the driving extended to 20 mile range, 40 mile range and before long I was going to places 250 miles away.
Joy of freedom. Or, perhaps, the word "freedom" might be a wrong choice, because that word has touch sense of being positive and having your competitive sense fulfilled. What I feel is rather like "sense of detachment". How lovely feeling that is. Not wanting to want anybody, and not needing to realize not being wanted. I don’t even need a 2.0L car to ensure that feeling. I don’t need to go 200 mph to keep remembering that I am driving. All I need is a road, so I can keep going, leading straight to that high contrast sky, out of everyone’s sight, into my fantasy world.
