Mail Order

Taping Birthday Girl right now. A wonderful film, it is so taking the piss.

There are 3 types of people who are attracted to and do date people from abroad.

1: People who fancy the idea of something different.

And for them meeting foreign citizen is bit of an excitement. Dating foreigners is not such a big deal but an experience indeed to them.

When excitement wears off, that's the real moment to figure if they actually fancied the aliens, or the idea of them/idea of dating them.

They always deny that the fact their boyfriends/girlfriends being foreigner is NOTHING to do with anything, but, surely, there is unusualness in their relationship including massive cultural differences, and v. possibly the language barriers. If they think their relationship is VERY normal like any other, they are so lying. They are communicationally challenged, so be it.

2: People who think they are well educated about foreign affairs and cultures.

Meeting certain nationality people is such an excitement to them and they feel instant feelings of belonging to them, though this is usually the worst type of lots, because they think they know, and believe me, they just THINK they do.

Just because you watched a couple of manga films that doesn't justify your credibility to do justice on Japanese culture, and just because you drink Blue Island beer that doesn't make you a Chinese party scene expert.

And when you meet them in YOUR country, the chances are very slim that they are very typical of their nationality; if they are so truly typical and love being so they probably never left their country. And the last thing they want is to be treated like an encyclopaedia of their culture, or collection of your pennants from your cultural trip. This is a positive discrimination.

3: People who can't get laid in their own country.

I know some people went and came back from certain destination with wives, and they always tell us,
"Yeah, I fell in love with this girl and we got married."

Or, did you? Are you sure you didn't pick her number out of a catalogue, or internet BRIDAL sites?
And these are the people who actually use the type 1 people. World works in a neat way.


I am a mixture of two. Not telling which ones (hehe.) : p

Confession

Whoever saw a BIG S swinging sway in a Bracknell roundabout this morning, yes, it was me. I sincerely am sorry. Lost control and was lucky didn't kill anyone, or my bloody self.

Then today I was asked to give lifts, by 4 people (!!) Nobody ever asked me for a lift before in my life!! So much is happening!! Am learning so fast!!

Once, I actually gave Dopey Dude a lift without telling him that I haven't exactly passed the test. Just once.

"I didn't know you have passed the test. When was it?"

He said as we drove off and I carefully, and tactfully changed the gear to 3rd.

"Oh, well,"

I paused as I slowed down for a right hand turn.

"Well, actually,"

I turned, and turned the gear back to 3rd. Nobody can't escape now as we just go down the hill from there.

"I haven't."

....I will NEVER forget the face Dopie pulled. Sorry, I just really felt like kidnapping you. Call me lune. (I feel plenty awful for that driving and I've done my time.)

Dating an FBI Agent

That was my dream last night. Well, he was possibly actor who was acting as an agent, I can't remember any more. The guy himself is actor in Hollywood in this world, anyway.

I do know that my mind is so twisted and I have not an ounce of romance left in my bones. But I used to dream about lovely love stories I would like to experience as I grow old. Or, did I?

I was reading back some old diary from my lowteen, like, 12, 13 or 14 and found a passage saying about my ideal relationship. Again, this was from my lowteen time. There, I was loud and clear on these points;

I don't mind my boyfriend to go off for some other people, AS LONG AS he comes back to me in the end.
I NEVER want to do any couple stuff, therefore he won't need to splash money on me.
He NEVER needs to tell me that he loves me, coz I don't need to hear it.

AGAIN, this was from my LOWTEENS!

I was terrified when I found this. I must have thought I was being so mature for not being needy, but I now look at this as dysfunctionally deteriorated mind of a kid for that sort of age.

I am now no more hopeful than this passage, and it seems v. sad even to me. Why am I so cold and realistic and not dreamy about lurrve??

Anyway, so I went to sleep and bump into this dream last night. I was dating a FBI agent who wanted to show me where he works. It was LOVELY. He was so caring about me, and I felt the safest ever in my life. I was in the middle of security queue, looking at the gates (were seen before in MATRIX) and terrified of them, but at the same time I knew that I will be OK because he will be there to scoop me out from any trouble if anything went wrong. After passing the gates he got beeped for some meeting, and had to go for a while, so gave me a quick kiss and disappeared.

That was that. I woke up, feeling marvellous, and thought that was weird. I never fancied this actor guy. He so isn't my type, actually. And I never fancied that sort of relationship where I was looked after like I am a yappy puppy.

Do I want a boyfriend? Do I want to be looked after? Or, do I just want to date a FBI agent? (Well, who wouldn't?)

Yes! Yes! Yes!

"Oh, Yes! Yes!! YES!!!"
"Yes! Yes! Ohh, YES!!"
Cough cough
"Ooooohh YES!!!"
Choking
Squeak, squeak
"Oh! Oh!! OH!!!"
Spring, squeak, spring and squeak
COUGH COUGH, CHOKING and more CHOKING
.......What the hell ARE YOU DOING on your own, my neighbour???

And whatever it is, keep it down, I could count the number of squeaking of whatever from here.

OK, listen

Easter?!? What is that!?! I hate holidays, so stop selling Easter eggs at garages in front of me when I have to fill my Herald up every the other day, and stop doing stuffing commercials when am enjoying Biography channel.

I have a big weekend planned touring garden centers. Thta IS my heavenly weekend.

...Have a nice holiday, all my friends!!

Milk Crown

I'd rather be servicing you than being called up for your MOTs, love.

Value That Time

Listening to your boyfriend (now ex) goes on and on how much he admires this actress from a 70s lame BBC comedy show, how she is his dream woman and is perfect, and think "You are weirdo and a half, you should get yourself a Mrs Robinson because I am only 5 yrs older than you and not at all old enough (Like, by 40 yrs.)";
2.80p (Two cans of Fosters.)

Listening to your boyfriend (now ex) rambling on how diffrent and not at all his ideal you are compare to this actress who screaches at her on-screen husband because he told her that he won't get her a fancy flocks since they are leading the self-efficiency life style and think "Did I ever ask you to get me anything fancy, or ANYTHING? Beside you always conveniently disappeared before any event so you don't have to pay for anything.";
4.20p (Three cans of Stella Artois.)

Listening to your boyfriend (now ex) pointing at this actress, aged same as your mum and playing a wife of a nutty dentist, who looks like the actress mentioned above, and heatedly telling you that they are so his dream women and they must be related, and think "GOD, you are a pervert, all the women you like must be related in order to have one big orgy with you at once.";
10quid (One bottle of good vodka and Pepsi MAX.)

Seeing the actress mentioned above in a TV ad for pension, without credit to her name;
PRICELESS.

Her anagrams is: Fine tickle lady.

I always liked Margo lot better anyway, by the way.

French Fancies and NTL dude

O, they are great,

they never let me down, they are always so perfect with them small creamy buttons on top with at least 3 different colour flocks on, and are so sweet and soo pretty.

The driving is getting better since I quit driving BLOODY M25 and started driving my Herald.

Herald doesn't handle speed too well so I have no choice but to go extra careful.
She CAN do 70mph and more,
but I can't handle her over 60mph on corners. She is a little on the heavy side and she goes over the line easy...(Ssslut!)

I will quit Fancies soon, I will be, coz, GOD, I gained 2lb already!! Niiice...

And so I really don't appreciate being called up by a cable company after a long day at work about some non-payment; look what happened, I started a full-on heated debate on the phone with the Cable Dude.

"You have an overstanding payment in your already-closed account."
"No, I don't."
"You do. You will have to pay, or we will pass the information onto the collecting agency."
"I called millions of time asking for the residue payment and was told each time that I don't owe you anything. Now you are calling me up and making me pay???"

In the end, because I am basically a nice person and love writing complaining letter in my free time, I paid whatever he told me and even suggested to look up something else I might owe, and paid for it, too.

"Thank you so much for your time, and I apologise if I came on a little too strong."

Awww, don't say that, man, you are so using GUILT tricks on me now. I wasn't havin' a go at ya, I was merely tellin' ya that I was angry with your company. NTL really do suck so bad.

I never argue with the customer services, though they seem to get quite defensive and start to repeat their "policies" in the hopes of shutting me up. Honestly, there is no point having a go at people who is NOT in charge of anything. It's not like they can make some changes to suite your need if you complain enough. That only happens in international banks. The best way to go is to ask for their supervisors (though chances of getting the actual supervisors are very slim) OR ask them for written confirmation, OR just tell them you are not happy but not prepare to talk to them because it won't do anything (and they will suggest some alternative.)
It's true.

Humiliation, Agony and Guilt. I Just Wanna Cry, Baby.

I am a green leaf driver. It means I JUST passed the test and I am not really qualified to handle cars in every thinkable situation.

This novice driver is now driving M4 every day to and from work.

It is a bit too much for me, especially when I have to work ALL day on top of 3.5 hrs driving. It is sheer scary to drive motor ways when you are that bran-spankin'-new, then so you decide to get down to A roads.

What you don't realize is that A roads have signals and roundabouts. (I am TERRIFIED of roundabouts. They are just SOOO scary and have too much locality to them and are very unkind to travellers. How do I supposed to know which way to sway if there was no sign!?!?)

It has been only a week since I started driving so much, but EVERYDAY has been agony. I have been making mistakes after another.

Once I couldn't tell where the temporally signal stop sign was and blocked the opposite lane;
once I couldn't tell which lane to slip in, in order to go into the second exit on a roundabout and blocked my lane for a few minutes (coz right lane people didn't let me cut in,);
once I was so concentrating following the car in front of me and ignored the signal completely, so I reversed about 10M to get back into the position;
and twice I scratched the left top corner of my RENTED car into bosses and someone else's cars when parking (which count as I did that every the other day. I apologized on both account, by the way.)

These times are the time I was screaming in my car,
"I am so SORRYYYY!!! I seriously am!!!!"
to cars around me, especially the one right behind, and the times when I can see people laughing at me;
I could practically hear them sneering (especially the people on the passengers seats. The drivers are probably yelling at me.) and less serious BUT so humiliating, and am feeling SO low, like,
"GOD, I shouldn't be driving, am so useless!!"
and there are, obviously, other times where things are a bit more serious, like when I get hooted on M25 for switching lane because I didn't see the sign to turn for M4 till the last minute.

I just need reassurance that everyone goes through this...OR am I seriously BAD???

Am eating a mountain of french fancies to sooth my nerves. Aren't they so cute and so nice to you...?

Fridge

Is my fridge broken? I really can't tell. It seems like making a noise,
and cooling things but not as cool as always...
Or maybe I am being paranoia because the bulb is gone?

How do you know it's not working, honestly?
I will know tomorrow, I guess, after work when I come home to
a pond of all kind of juices on the floor licked off by my bitches...

What It Means to Be All That

I went to see a play in London years ago. It was the theatre version of The Graduate, and was calling in raving reviews from everywhere.

My normal motives for going to plays are usually based on the cast or the fact they are re-makes; I go and see them if they got interesting people acting in, or I have seen them before as films or something else.

This play I went to see had a huge attraction or two like that, obviously, because
1. it was The Graduate, my favourite film of all time, and
2. Mrs Robinson was played by Kathleen Turner, the serial mama.

But there was another HUGE attraction in this play which I didn't know about, and which made my jaw drop half way through the play.

"Benjamin, I want you to know I'm available to you."

Along that famous line, Mrs Robinson, Kathleen Turner, showed up on the stage BUTT NAKED.

"If you won't sleep with me this time -"

Oh my God. (Benjamin, me and probably the entire audience.)

"If you won't sleep with me this time, Benjamin, I want you to know you can call me up any time you want and we'll make some kind of arrangement."

That was the moment the illusion came down to the ground. The famous Hollywood actor, wearing nothing but a birthday suites, looking exactly like your mother (well, slimmer, to be fair) instead of this shape with nothing is ex-s and everything is perky and high up. I wouldn't say it was comforting, and I would certainly not say it was gross. It was just shocking. It was shocking because she was so daring, and she was so really there. I felt like I shouldn't be looking.

Naked body tells all, and that's exactly why it should be kept in private, at least partially. So is sex. I am sick of these overexposure of it.

My Herald

is a bloody lemon!!!!!

Lemonade

Just took a long soothing bath and I can still smell the fume in my nostril...

I spent twice as much as I paid for the car itself, for fixing her up, and it lasted, what, 4 hrs???

Do I have to pay for whole lot of labour and stuff again, AND take a train to wonderful Wokingham and drive all the way back here AGAIN??? (Wokingham IS wonderful. Such a pretty place.)

Is this a sign saying that I should let her go???
Or just taking the piss saying,
"You spent all that money on this rusty lemonade, and
NOW you can't back off, coz you got too much to lose.
So, LET'S JUST KEEP GOING, THELMA."

God, I still love her, she is gorgeous and moves beautifully,
you know, when she does feel like it.

Home Coming Home Queen

She's here, she's shinier, am buying me a beer...!!

Coffee and Herald

Had 5 cups of coffee and got paid,

and I am finally getting my Herald back.

Oh, I missed her so much, can't wait to see her...!