The Reasons I am Pretty

My boss was telling me how pretty I am by citing following reasons;

I have an exotic look,

I have long, flowing, dark hair,

I have them eyes that are dead give away of where my blood is from.

 

OK, none of them is complimenting to me. Basically my boss was super positively discriminating me and pointing out that I am not normal looking, and will always be the outsider of the community. That I am an alien. If some people find these deficits attractive then that's repulsive to me as they clearly have acquired tastes and I am just their flavour of the moment, till the next one. And the hair? Does anyone EVER actually say a person is attractive because that person decided to grow a body wool for longer than others? And again, it is hugely depending on the taste of whether you like long hair or not, and it is NOTHING to do with attractiveness I may or may not possess.

 

My boss meant well, but that talk made me feel just tad worse than I was feeling, which was basically nawt. Back to square nil, and I am pretty,

pretty contained,

the glass is almost full of air.

It Sucks to be Single

"A table for 1 please."

I said so to this little guy. He, who was barely 5' tall, in return pulled this face, which he has pulled a couple hundred times on daily basis it now has become the second nature to him, said to me,

"Oh, I am afraid it will be at least 15 min wait."

 

Not only it was so sad to dine out on Friday night on your own, but also you had to have the fact you are Solo Absolut rubbed in all over your face by the corporate franchise restaurants who don't supply small tables for singletons.

 

"You are welcome to sit at the bar if you like?"

 

I glanced down my watch, and sighed quietly. If I waited for 15 minutes, the happy hour will be well over. I wouldn't dare say that to the little man. Today's the day I learn that you need to be more than 1 to have privileges to the happy hour.

 

"Yeah, that's fine. I am starving and I need to eat."

which was actually true. I have been so frail for over a week now, feeling uncontrollably unwell, I needed a sturdy meat dish for the Friday night so I could go on the weekend of non-stop working.

 

The only place available at the bar was the far end corner where all you can smell was the air freshener from the bathroom. I am not sure which is worse to have around food and drink; smell of urinals, or the toilet ducks.

 

I had my meal, with a pint of shandy, and went home. The meal was OK, and it was a nice, calm evening for a change, and I was in a mood for a good film while finishing half empty bottle of an Australian merlot. Then the door bell rang. It's only 10.30pm, who could that be? I only have a coked up skunk who likes to bother me at 3am, but not before midnight.

 

But it was.

 

It sucks to be single. Everyone thinks it's OK to put me in the smelly corner to dine, and it's acceptable to ask for free milk out of me when I really, really need to sleep so I can make a living. ....He was so out of it I couldn't even tell him that I am in love with him. So I just threw him out instead. He came back though. I had to slam the door couple of times in his face.

 

It sucks to be single, and, yes, I love it so much I will never give it up. All the freedom, discount in commiseration, free violence, full of drama and not a care in the world. You know, all that jazz.

A Random Night in N1 0AX

"And I got a girl friend at the minute,"
so he says. Well, I wasn't asking. I am not here to beg you to take me back, and I am not here to ask you why you asked me to email you and never returned any of them when I did. I am not here to ask you why you have ended things with me, and I am really not interested what you are up to. I am only here to hear you sing.

He was so bloody nice about it. If a guy says a hi to an old flame and be that nice, then I have to say that is a gift. I guess that is exactly why none of his hundreds of exes ever killed him. That is an applause worthy talent.

And by telling me about his new flame, he was cleverly manoeuvring me out of the way, without complicating the otherwise stressful situation. Fine, I get it. I am cool with that.

I didn't really want to talk to him. I mean, what am I suppose to say? It is nice to see you again, when it really isn't? (Who would want to see exes doing well and being happy? I'm not saying that I'd rather see them bleeding from heart while spelling my name out on the wall with the blood from the gash. But I'd rather stay away from the well functioning exes.) I wanted to stay anonymous in the crowd and not being spotted, but, jeeves, that pub was SO empty.

I was trying to hide in the non-existing crowd, and I have realized that I have been there before, in my dream. I even remembered that I knew his girl friend's name. ("Carmen? What sort of name is that?" is what I was thinking in my dream.) If I was there in my dream, then I guess that was a pre-programmed cosmic fuck up that I chose to endure.

As soon as he started talking to me, all I could remember was how nice it was to spend the time with him, even though I always knew how insincere he really was / is. Again, if a guy can do that, then that's a talent. I rather have him acted all freaked out and dismissive than having being all friendly and proper, but, oh no, he wouldn't let that happen for me.

(Some guy who was giving me eyes all that night passed me by, saying good night, then asked accusingly,

"Are you with that guy?"

OK, you are either psycho, or psychic. And the answer is, no, never.)

He then sang. His songs are still great. He sounded amazing for a live performer, but he did not sound as good as I thought he would be. I was singing along as I knew most of his songs by heart. Beautiful lyrics, nice tune to sing out. Everyone around me was quiet because his voice was powerful and clear, and, of course, none of them ever heard of his songs before. Then I saw the girl. She was standing right by the stage, singing along. She knew all the lyrics, and her lips were synching with mine. Oh, your new girl friend is VERY pretty. You are fucking idiot for thinking of even dumping this gorgeous little girl, (and telling me about it.) She is so in love with you. Her eyes, full of adulation, like mine were once back then, and I was thinking how glad I was that it was all over, and that I have never gotten around to where she is.

O, Crying Out Loud

What sort of a deranged mind would think it is OK to buzz the door bell about 150 times at 4 O'Clock in the morning and start sweet talking that how much you missed me?? I AM WORKING 7 DAYS A WEEK, I AM WORKING CLOSE TO 70 HOURS A WEEK, I AM WORKING IN 6 HRS!!! You have gone absolute bonkers, and this is, what, 4th time??? Get the fucking message across, you are not welcomed here, not now, not ever, never once!!!! You earn 100 grand a year, spending half of it all on properties and coke, so why don't you spend the rest on some hookers from Oxford Road??? I would rather sleep with Jeff Dahmer than having you in my place!!!!

 

Next time I will tell you that I am in love with you and that I want your baby. That should teach you a lesson. If not then I don't know what. Yeah, I will tell you that. I am in love with you for past 5 years. Take that and get drowned in agony, psycho.