Being an 'Us' for Once, Instead of a 'Them'

My colleague who went nuts is now back from her sick leave. I still have no sympathy for her "depression" but never said a word on it, and welcomed her back when she showed up with a new hair cut and whole bunch of new clothes / shoes / bags on her plumper body. (Oh, so you were off sick, and went back to your home country and went to shopping, and went around all your favourite restaurants, and a hair salon.)

Her behaviour has since gotten worse, and she was blowing off her steam on me on daily basis.

One day, she was telling me to my face,
"I do not like your attitude when you talk to me."
in front of my boss.

Next day my boss's boss called us all in, sat us in a line like school children we are, and started telling her that I am her boss, and my boss is my boss, and so she cannot talk to me the way she did.

She wouldn't budge, and had that,
"If a look can kill"
enraged face. My boss's boss said,
"Why are you looking at ME like that? Don't you realize we are all your superior, and you have to obey us if we chose to give you some commands? Do you accept that fact? or you leave the company. Do you?"
and she actually said (and I still cannot believe she did,)
"No."


We all hoped that was the end of her, but she quickly took it back (darn).

My promotion took place ages ago, and I have been given lot more serious work since then, but I wasn't feeling that power thing about me.

I am not career driven at all. I am workaholic, and I love being stingy so I work a lot to get money, but I do not love seniority and therefore usually dislike whom I work for. I always worked the hardest in any place I've been, yet was never well received by my bosses because of my problem with authorities. So this was all new. I am now them, not us, and it is really OK to boss people around, if I wanted to. Wow.

I know I won't, though.

There were a bunch of piranhas in this community tank.
I was absolutely mesmerized by the sight.
(Small ones are THEM.)

He was a Rescue

I went to an aqua shop the other day because my home tank has been showing some signs of water problems, and needed some meds for it.

Yet another Berlin Zoo collection.

I hate going to this particular aqua shop because the shop staffs are all very experienced fish keepers who think novices like me are idiots, who are there to drop money regularly because we are not fit to keep fish, and we only kill them. They are very knowledgeable, but use that cleverness to make you feel small. They have no respect for customers who essentially pay their wages, and one of them even started texting me while I was made to wait for my change. Why do I have to kiss some twenty something year old aquarium shop boy's arse to get a school of neon tetras?

Yet another shop I used to go was a little too far away and their fish didn't survive too well after me getting them home.

Anyway, so I went to this snooty shop, and was mesmerised by ciclid in one tank, which just had her eggs hatched, and was hovering over mini fish in one corner, and constantly going over to the baby fish who tried to swim away, swallowing it, and spitting it back to the shoal. Baby fish are about 3mm, and mum was about 6cm, and it was such a dramatic scene. I could stay there forever.

But I had to check on other things, so I moved around he corner, and saw some sharks there. I have one of them, which is really like a small, slim carp with red fins. Min'is about 10cm, and he used to be about 5cm, so I assumed that he was fully grown.

But then I noticed this another tank with another shark, exactly the same one, except this one is about 20cm.

This fish shop is actually famous amongst aquarists for accepting unwanted, over grown fish off fish keepers and resell them to people whoever want them. It hit me easily that this big shark was chucked by his last owner.

I stood there for a long time looking at this guy. I felt sorry for the fish, who is so healthy that overgrew the tank. I don't like people throwing cats and dogs, and I didn't feel good about seeing abandoned fish, either.

Yet, I still managed to kill my fish time to time, so let's not compare notes here.

Stalk Me a Kipper

Loads and loads of things are happening. I am so stressed out my brain is now sliding in and out of different memory compartment to cope. One minute I am hopping mad because a public transport was tailgating me like a stalker, and next minute I am all smile while listening "I'm in the mood for love" by Carlie Parker. Basically I quit dragging a mass of stress to home, just a little trail of it.

The weather is turning so mild, D, it feels like Spring is just round the corner.

I have so many little things bothering me day after day, all I want to do is to go home and sit tight with a bottle of wine, but I am actually restricting my drinking, because stress + alcohol = a fist munching embarrassment in next morning.

Therefore my brain started to function is a manner mentioned above. I am starting to forget things. That is so unlike me. New job title comes with a new personality, maybe.

Another one from Berlin Zoo.
Their fish collection is simply fab!

Just an update;


I have successfully swapped my little plastic fish tank with a 10 gallon tank which was sitting on my phone desk at home, empty, for months. This was part of my plan and I only put the plastic one in the office first to easy things in without people opposing me by saying,

"My god, that's too big and noisy!"

Nobody has complained at the office just yet, but my big boss actually praised me for rearranging the file cabinet we weren't using, which I used to place a tank on. The Project Tank is now moving surely, and I am counting down the days till the day of fish.

Things To Do This Year

So, my new friend who often contributes her wisdom on my humble blog dropped in earlier in and asked me about my new year's resolution. Mmmm, I don't actually do "resolution" because I hate breaking promises; I am the furthest thing from "new year's resolution motivation".

Anyway, well, that very thought of me not even trying to achieve anything, and confessiong so at right beginning of the year made me nauseated, so I had a rethink, and decided that I will do lists each month to carry out some projects that are planned fo this year.

This is not exactly a new year's resolution, because the lists will contain things "not to do".

I can see infinity in it.

I've realized that I do certain things, consiciously, which are bad for me, very much aware how bad those are for me, and so I cannot help but to self-doubt my reasons for doing those. Is it self-harm? I must put these things on my list, and "not to do" those. I will make no-drink day, no-texting day, no-calling day etc. etc. and wipe my standing ground clean, so I can built something on it.

It will be so hard, I have an obsessive personality, but I need to make some changes in my life, or my life this year will be stagnant.

2010 / 2011

I was going to post this 4 hrs ago, but as always I was at work  when new year came.


2010 was all about things getting broken. SO many things got broken, like bathroom fan, floor, cat flap, shower heads, car, fridge, washing machine, relationship, epilator, alarm clock, toilet, door bell....

That's partly due to the fact I now have a dog who eats anything and everything, but this was a little excessive.

I will ask my herald (my premonition) what this year will bring to me. But I say this one thing now;

I want 2011 to be a productive year. I will do my best to make it just that.

Wishing everyone a happy happy new year xx