Flipping Shoes

In recent article in papers, women in UK are said to be spending most of her money on shoes, and it is not unusual for women to own 100 pairs. I don't have that many pairs, but latelly I have been buying quite a few. It started off when I needed suits for my job interviews. I bought suits, then noticed that I needed tops to go with them, because all I had had some logos of, well, not so professional meanings.

Then I realised that I can never work in my boots, which have a hole anyway, or my skechers. So I began buying shoes.

When I mention shopping that is eBaying, as all my mates know. (Yeah, my life in Dundalk used to be scheduled around cable TV and eBay...) I am hooked on eBay, and I used to have an established business via eBay. I cannot even imagine doing clothes shopping outside of it!

Anyway. The only, and obvious problem with buying shoes off eBay is that you can't try the pair on first. And shoes are very tricky things to buy even when you try them on off-line.

I think that many women buy so many shoes because shoes are just too darn hard to buy. They fit, in so many different ways, like,

"They fit but are slightly tight in width."

"They fit but are too hard on sole, can't run in them."

"They are comfy, but they are not my size."

"They are perfect fit but SO unfashionable."

And I am usually like,

"Have one or two pairs fit well and go well with everything as long as I am with people who know me well."

But this time I really need to be picky. The pair need to be comfy and smart and durable. 

And every pair comes from eBay is NOT fitting. So I have to re-sell them. This is as though I am flipping properties.

They probably would fit with sock adjustment, but they are not kind of shoes I can wear socks. What a hair-pulling nuisance this is. This buy-sell-buy-sell cycle needs to go on for a long time...

Shoe shopping is SO doomed. Why women do this if not for finding a good pair?

The Great Escape

Why am I writing about mice for days, with all the tiny, boring details? It's about my new job. It just came back to me when I got a job in aviation/logistics. Those mice had very unique story attached to their tails through years.

I was reading my "booklet to the new employees" and clearly they insist on the safety in there many a times. My job will be dealing with a lot of inter-continental regulations and stuff, and it just came to me how I had this experience with my mice.

One year, I was visiting my family, and I couldn't find anybody who would look after my mice. So, I decided to smuggle them on board, in several cigarette boxes.

Yeah, I know, it's outrageous, and I was not happy doing that, but I really had no choice.

All went well, I passed the gate and went into a lady's room and safely put them back into the cage. The cage then went into a flat bottomed carrier bag.

It was all fine, till half way through the flight, till I decided to check in on them. They were happily munching the grains, so I put the lid down and hid the cage well under my seat.

15 min later, I hear a tiny scream coming from the person sitting in front of me. Then there were rush of air-hostesses running about, holding up a paper bag, apologising and hushing and muttering. Somehow, I knew what is was ALL about, but I did look down into my bag anyway. Yes, there was only one mouse, and, yes, the lid was half open. I didn't push it enough till it clicked.

I stood up, and went up to the air-hostess with a paper bag, and asked her if I could see inside.
"Oh, ma'am, it really isn't something for your eyes."

"Well, I really think it is. OK, please just tell me what it is you are holding."

She then tells me it is a mouse, and so I went on telling a total none-sense on how that mouse is NOT mine but is very important to me so I want it back.

She was so freaked out, she was so determined to kill it right away. I begged and apologised and kept telling all these lies. I did that because I had no intension of coming clean about the other mouse.

Anyway, turned out it was actually OK to import mice without checking them first. (I was told so then anyway.) So, I didn't risk anyone's health.

I am SO not proud of what I did, but I am more against of disposing animals for your convenience. I thought about the danger of doing it, and after some studying I came up with the conclusion that it's probably OK. (And to be precise, I couldn't find a info on how to do it legally.) I won't do it again, though.

So, back to the point. My pets are cheap. That's why I usually get my dogs from shelters, and buy mice on sale.

More Travelling

Now, I am not sure, still, if that's super cheap, but ever since I saw the sign, all I could think was mice. I wanted to have a dog, but I was living in a student hall and it was not allowed. It had to be small, and have to be remotely like dogs if I get anything. And I really wanted to have a pet. Mice are mammals, and they are SO small. I am sure I can manage to control the smell by keeping them clean. The only thing is to make sure I get same sex pairs.

So, I went in, and bought myself a pair of male mice and a small cage and the water feeder.

I then went to the Royal Naval College, served my purpose of the entire trip. I am not sure how I ditched my stuff, but I recall not having the stuff till later that day.

I then went to the Kew Garden, WITH my mice, and a restaurant in China Town, WITH mice. I remember getting lost in the Kew, and had to hide my mice and other stuff in a gardenia bush or similar so I can wonder off to find the places. So I must had all the bags with me then. I remember worrying about smell and noise when I put mice on the table when I ordered a ball of noodle. I think the reason I had to put mice on the table, in a thick white plastic carrier bag, was that I was carrying all the bottles and books in the pack. I remember walking in absolute agony, with mice cage dangling from my hand, and told myself,
"Never again."

Anyway. All I am trying to say was that this trip was VERY physical one. And it was a very emotional experience for me because I got myself little additions, and finally making it to the Royal Naval College, after years of dreaming to stand in between those columns.

Meet the Pet

I knew nothing of Calais, but just assumed that it is a touristy place where everyone goes for SEEING thing. (I now know, obviously, that it's the place for shopping in bulks.)

So, when I reached Calais, after not so much sleeping for about 24 hrs, I was completely lost. Calais had nothing visibly interesting. Besides, I was on the edge of collapsing after the long bus ride.

Then I decided to go further to Paris, which did cost a bit but, well, wouldn't be a total waste.

Had fab time in Paris. I remember it as a quiet holiday, as I didn't really speak to anyone, apart from the hotel people, for the entire time I was there. I regretted not having been successful in my Spanish Class, Parisian seemed to less hate Spanish speakers, compare to English speakers.

I remember taking a nap in Muse D'Orsey,  after completely satisfied looking at Lautrecs. I remember trying to have a fancy dinner and all I could afford was a pizza at an Italian restaurant. I remember McDonald's coffee was SO good. A can of coke did cost 1.5 quid, which nearly shocked me to death.

When I got back on board on P&Q, heading back to Dover, it was the time for my shopping. I was into vodka at that time, and was asked by my gay Finish neighbour to get him a bottle of Finlandia so we can share it one night. So, my back-pack-like-pack was immediately filled with that and some other bottles, which eventually weighed about 30kg.

I got back to Victoria with art books and booze on my back, and bought a train ticket to Greenwich. It was 4pm or 5pm when I reached there.

Basically, I was sent back to London by kind stranger who found me wondering, looking for a B&B. They said it's not safe and there's no chance I'd find one. (And I was pretty sure that I knocked one of K.K.K. buildings when I was looking for a hotel.) Somehow, I was wondering about in Greenwich for 6 hrs without finding anything.

Next day, I went back (more money!) and the first thing I did was to find a pet shop I saw the day before. It was a HUGE pet store with a sign on the window;
"SALE! 1 mouse 99p"

Pet

My idea of pet is "CHEAP", that is all. The theory behind it is that you'll grow to love it anyway, so why should you spend tons of money to get expensively inbred pedigrees.

That's how I ended up travelling with two mice when I was doing Paris-Greenwich-Wales tour. It must be 7 years ago or something. I had several missions in that trip;

1. Go to France. It doesn't matter what I would achieve there, just going to France was the mission.
2. Get as much duty free stuff as I can, as I am NOT walking.
3. Go and find the Royal Naval College.

I was bored. It was Summer Vacation time and I had no friend around, had nothing to do. Everyone was going everywhere and I felt like I should. As far as my status was concerned, I was only there to take short trip to Europe for extended time for a very short while, and it seemed like a waste if I didn't go anywhere.

The thing is, I didn't have much money. I could do coach trips with duty free shopping, but not flying away. We didn't have Ryan-bloody-air back them, if my memory serves correctly.

So, I took a coach from Wales to Victoria, then to Dover, then to Calais via a P&Q ferry.

Old Fashioned and Stubborn

The reason I felt like an outcast in my high school was that I felt that people were too narrow minded and old fashioned, and hated any individualism. But, being  such a complicated mess, I actually am very traditionally minded and narrow minded myself. I guess I just didn't like people who didn't like me. You may call me hypocrite.

That is exactly why I don't like sluts. Some people would tell me,

"Hey, sluts are great! They are real individuals!"

and I must say,

"Nah, they ain't."

I do not intend to discuss why I think sluts are bad. I just say that if someone wants to be one, that's fine by me, but I don't want to know that person. I even go to the extent of avoiding them, and their friends just because they seem to be in the idea of approving it together.

I just don't like the idea of not having respect for other people's love lives just because they think so casual of sex, even if they don't have that much sex. I don't like people who cheats, or help them cheat. I don't like them immensely if they are promiscuous.

OK, when I say promiscuous, I mean, people who intentionally have casual sex, and normally don't keep track of it.

I don't get people who are real nice about people who do horrible things to the others through relationships. Like, I don't like people who say,

"Yeah, he is a real jerk with girls, he has at least 3 girl friends who don't know about each other, but he is really a nice guy and I like him."

and

"She is seeing a married guy, but she is a lovely girl. Can't help it, she fell in love."

and so on. What is wrong is wrong, and I must verbalise it.

Well, may be it's not just about people having loads of sex. I guess I just don't like people who says everyone he/she meets is nice, until something goes wrong, and something always goes wrong. I mean, aren't you even a little bit ashamed that you always go,

"Oh, you are soooo niiice, I like uuuu Muwah, muhah."

and, 2 days later scream,

"Oh, my god! That bitch slept with me boyfriend!!!!"

or

"He stole my mobile, can you believe it???"

Yeah, I can. I mean, you knew that guy for 5 min before you invited him into your house for a bit of a joint and wine.

Being a pessimistic nerd, I don't jump to the conclusions that everyone I met today was nice, and everyone I met a year ago turned out to be dodgy. Everyone is who he/she is and I can't possibly decide on the description for a long time. Sure, I do snap judgement, but I don't act on it, and will continue to learn about the person. People don't get people, people never get me, and just because someone says,

"You are nice"

that doesn't mean they get you, not possible, that's naive.

Tonsillitis and 6550 Chicks

I got tonsillitis about 3 weeks ago. I have been injured and not healthy for months, and the final hit was this. I never felt so close to death before then. I had temperature close to 40, and I was totally alone for days. I knew that I was going to die and wouldn't be discovered (or I felt so sure about it, like you would with that temperature) for days, so I kept calling all people I could think of, letting them know that I was dying.

Anyway, my fever didn't go away for over a week, and I changed antibiotics once, and took all kinds of pain killers just to keep me from shivering.

Even though my temperature didn't go down to my normal point, I had to start my new job eventually. I couldn't, and wouldn't risk my first ever proper job.

Ohh, god, it was just awful. I showed up in crutches, with thermometer in my bag of pills, all doped up and dizzing. In that condition, I had to do pretty much everything including taking calls from all over Europe. (Uhhh, couldn't take French accent that day, just had no idea what the hell they were saying...)

Anyway, I went on. I love the new job, and there are so much to learn, and I am brand-spanking-new there so everyone keeps coming up to me, like, from all over the world, and talks to me.

My boss took me to a short tour of palletting area in our warehouse, and also took me around the BA loading area etc.

I've already said a wrong company name when answering phone, and was yelled at by angry Dutch men (not one).

A couple of days ago, I was making special notes on our flights, and came across the line.

"1 x pallet Live Day Old Chicks."

First, I thought it was a metaphor. I don't know...like, some sort of a product name, or something. I mean, 1 pallet full of 1 day old chicks? That would be like a ton of flipping yellow fluffs. Can you imagine? And why 1 day old? Why not 1 week old? And why are they flying all the way round to the other side of the earth? Wouldn't they die via that sort of travelling?

First, I asked my boss if they are really chicks. Then I asked if they are alive, (Of course, he says, and tapped the code "AVI" as I should have recognized that already.) and I said if they are really 1 day old.

They are really pallet full of 1 day old chicks!! And apparently they travel quite well.

And my sweet boss actually took me to see them today. (It was obviously for my benefit, so I could learn more details of our business, like how the whole order would go through.)

There were like 6500 plus chicks in SO many boxes, all yapping and fluffy. They had this weird baby heat woozing around them which you could feel only with your skin when you stand near by them, but not with your palm skin when you are trying to poke them. They were just amazing.

I could stay there forever, but they were obviously being packed up in a hurry and I had to leave.

I don't know. Maybe I am a simple person. I loved recovering from bloody tonsillitis and getting to a new job, and I loved walking around the freighters, and I so loved them chicks. I think my life is wonderful.

Taking That Turn

I got a call from the job agency, asking me if I was interested in logistics. Logistics is one thing I had an eye on, and saw it as the sour grape. That field is so specialized and only hires the people with experience. It looks so exciting to me, that field, because companies and business are connected throughout the world. Imagine chatting to your mates,

 

"Today I closed the deal with Copenhagen, Prague and Brussels. Belgians were real nice and asked me to join them at their famous beer restaurant next time I am in town."

 

Sounds fab to me, not in a smug way, but in a way that I will never get bored because nothing is the same each day, ever.

 

The job I was introduced to was not quite a closing deal kind of job, and it was much more unique that they had to spend 10 min explaining to me so I can get a rough idea. It indeed sounded too specific and I couldn't even imagine how my CV was picked as of a potential candidate.

 

"Would you be interested? Shall we forward your CV to them?"

"Um, yeah! Please do. It sounds interesting."

 

As I said so all I was thinking was that I will never stand a chance and I won't hear back from them with an update.

 

But the agency called back a day later. So off I went to an interview, thinking that I will never get it.

 

The reason I thought so was actually sensible. Aside from the fact I had no experience in that area, I was in fact rejected by a company for a similar role before. Two companies are standing facing to each other across two bypasses, amongst all other logistics / freight companies' offices. As my Herald slipped through the bypass my mind wondered off, thinking,

 

"How many companies will I be lucky enough to have interviews with, and then get rejected..."

 

The interview itself was scary enough. All the managers and the CEO were in a small room, facing to me, each of them flipping through my CV, asking various question, which was not so related to my skills. I sat on a couch, with that casty thing on my leg with crutches besides me, smiling and looking REALLY confident, REALLY x2 calm and REALLY interested.

 

For some reason, they looked REALLY impressed with me. All four of them. Weird, huh? What is more weird was that I wasn't really lying in the interview to impress them. Oh, I felt good about that. That is not what supposed to happen. It must be fake...

 

Next day, the agency calls me back, telling me that my impression was spot on, and that they DID like me.

 

"They got very good impression on you. It is good."

 

Wow. I was holding my phone tight, waiting for her to say,

 

"They picked you, congratulation!"

 

but instead she says,

 

"So, they would like to see you for the second interview."

 

...........WHAT????

 

"There is a SECOND interview??"

"Yes, they would like to ask you more in-depth questions."

"O, I, C."

 

I felt dizzy. How far am I have to trek, will I survive that?

 

I finally got to ask her if that is a good sign, or I am possibly still very likely to be rejected. I asked her if anyone got to that stage and rejected.

 

"No, no one else got a second interview. I think it IS good."

 

So, I waited for them to call me up for the second interview, which happened this morning.

 

"Could you make it there this evening?"

 

I was there 5 hrs later, and they were showing me how to use their system, and how I feel about the whole process etc.

It was very fascinating. It was world-wide. It was ever so changing.

 

And it was mine!! I was offered the job there and then!!!

 

Now I have a main job AND a part time bar job. I definitely took that turn and around.

 

Good luck to all of my friends who are still looking, especially Lee and Andy. I had a bit of luck, and you have the ability.

Food Hygiene

As known, am looking for a job. As know, I was a kitchen bitch, and in some way I still consider myself one. (O, Good Ol' Days... All Lies.) So, naturally I looked for a catering job as I peer into job sections on any media. The one I found, and I really x2 wanted, required for me to have a certificate of food hygiene. I don't quite know how important this certificate is, even now. It was never compulsory before in my kitchen bitch life, including that hell hole in Egham with capt. Dirk. I didn't know how to get it, or how expensive/cheap to get it.

Apparently, usually, you can have this in a day course organised by the council. You could also take a day-two days course with tech colleges, but this would cost a bit more. It cost around 70 quid and above. I apprehended that it is fairly easy to obtain the certificate, that is because the government is actually encouraging the food business people to have this, before eventually making it compulsory for them to hold one.

When looking at the job ad I found, I was a PERFECT candidate, and the job was PERFECT for me. It was close by, and pays SO well in a busy, yet, small premise. Marvellous.

So it was downs to the certificate. I needed one urgently. And, there was a day course offered 5 days before the application closing date!! Oh, am I lucky or what?

So off I went, sending the payment and the application for the course.

All was well, till I got a call telling me that the course is long filled up and I have to wait for another month. They kindly, automatically forwarded the payment into next available course fee, making it impossible for me to withdraw.

I still went ahead and applied for the job, with a nice long letter explaining why I haven't got the certificate yet. They never got back to me.

A month past, me almost forgetting about the course. It looked increasingly unnecessary for me to go through with it as I didn't find any more job ad asking for it. However, I couldn't quite decide not to take the course IN CASE the premise decided to call me back after a couple of weeks. Taking the course would be more than appreciated in that case.

On the other hand, there was a definite down side to it which was that I needed the money and that 70 quid would be hugely appreciated, by me.

So, after all consideration, I deliberately left it till the last minute and asked for a refund, using my knee as an excuse. If that goes well I get the money, if not I get some certificate might be useful; I didn't mind either way.

I didn't get the money back.

Today I had to drag myself in crutches and sat through the all day session (8.45-17.15) with restaurant owners and take-away shop owners etc. It was bizarre.

I was the only one who was unemployed. Everyone else was either employed, or employers. And none of them were paying for the course out of their pockets.

I got there after 2 hrs of sleeping (how am I supposed to have slept decent hrs before 3pm, I don't even get to sleep till 7am), pumped up in caffeine. I got there and there were more caffeine from complementary tea and coffee. My brain was delirious.

I half heard buzzing in my ears on and off, listening to stupid argument between the food police and the take-away shop owner, muttering,

"He just said that a second ago, you goit."

Caffeine tabs were duly consumed and gallons of liquid was drunk, and somehow I made it to the end of the session. Then we took the test.

"What does disinfectant do best?"

"What are the signs of insects infestation?"

"Why the food handlers should not wear jewelry?"

30, multiple question, need only 20.

I have not taken a single test ever since I passed the driving theory. That was 3 yrs ago. I always do well when half conscious. I hope I did, too, this time.

Viva! Cymraeg

I was at work, talking to this girl who works with me.
This girl went on, one time, asking if,
"Ciao"
was Egyptian for over 5 minutes, in front of an Italian customer. I repeated LOUD into her ear that it is indeed Italian, and that is why people say,
"Ciao bella!"
and so on, just to shut her up. (Perhaps not the best way to describe the authenticity, but somewhat the phrase was stuck in my brain as "the standard phrase used by English speakers.")
Anyway, today she was asking me what languages I learned before, so I told her I tried to learn Welsh. I omitted Esperanto from the answer, as I was pretty sure she doesn't know what that is.
"Yeah, it's really hard to learn Welsh. I wasn't clever enough."
"Oh? What are you talking about, Welsh is REALLY easy. Even I can learn that."
She was DEAD serious. I couldn't dare ask her if she was anyway, as this might insult her ability of learning a language.
"Yeah? So you learnt it then?"
As I was asking her so my mind was amused with random thoughts;

Oh, in the middle of Berkshire, in the middle of NO WHERE, people are learning Welsh, for the reason I can't even begin to imagine. Viva! Cymraeg. Indeed Welsh is one of the fastest growing languages in the world...

"Yeah! It's same spelling and alphabet, with just like..."
and she just did this REALLY bad Welsh accent.
My mind, face, and pain in my knee all went BLANK.
"Wh...what the f...., um, NO, no, that's not Welsh. Welsh is completely different language came from Gaelic, and it really is hard language to learn, but is essntial in some part of Wales if you want to get a job."
I went on for a bit, explaining more on Welsh, but I don't think she was quite buying it. She was looking at me like this whole thing was totally alien idea and unnecessary.

I do come across some naive youngsters who are about to go into college education, OR already in early stage of it. I just NEVER met an English girl who didn't know what us Welsh stand for. I say it again,

Viva! Cymraeg!

Daraness's Own Double-Entry : Part2

Back to job hunting... It is going shite. But I think it was only expected, and in that respect it really is going not bad. I have applied for so many jobs, and had bunch of interviews (which is like passing the preliminary in beauty pageant, or similar. So you know you are not a total disaster in the area.)

One time, I was asked how I would feel about sales.

"Do you feel comfortable selling our products, even if that means you are taking the last penny out of the customer's pocket?"

What the hell am I supposed to say?

"Um, yeah, sure, of course. Well, unless that person was dying or something..."

I only applied for the job because I wanted the staff discount. Lately, photo supply was out of reach for me, and I am in desperate need for cheap films and cheap processing. Well, turned out, they don't do any negs, as I half expected, so in the end I was so wishing that I don't get the job. I haven't heard back from them.

The other time, I had to drive into London, for the first time ever. It felt like I was stuck in a magic round-about for hours, though I was only there for less than hour. I never saw people switching lanes SO MUCH in traffic jams. I never been honked SO MUCH, and I have never wanted for my horn to work SO MUCH before. It was not how long it took, but I just don't think I can cope with that EVERY darn day. When I got home, I was so wishing for them to call me up and politely insult me;

"Well, we were very impressed with your PC skills.... BUT," (that sort of bollocks)

After these, I started to rethink, I mean really rethink, what I want to do for living.

Do I really want to wear suites every day and drive 2 hrs to work in a small office full of small people who call their customer "GOD"?

Do I really want to work in call centres only to hear people shouting at me through the hand set, and drag myself to home, only to return to second job because I need that extra money?

I really don't know. In a way I do. I apply for jobs with worst senario bare in my mind. I always think about getting ulcers when I imagine working for these companies. I always think about nasty comments on my weight and looks from co-workers or managers. I always think about having eating disorders and sleeping problems as a result of working for these places. And I apply for them. I think I am thinking things through.

But these things I think are what I can bear, not what I want to go through.

I am all so pessimistic all the time, I never think of what I want. I never thought about who I want to date, or which T-Shirt I want to wear. It was always, "He wants to date me, would I be OK with it?" and "That shirt is bloody cheap, do I look OK in it?"

Then I met my crush, and I felt like,

"My life is taking a turn."

just because I actually wanted to date him while he wanted to date me, too. It was a bloody miracle.

Maybe I should apply that turn onto my job situation. But then, I don't know if anyone else does that?  

Daraness's Own Double-Entry : Part1

I have been extremely busy with job hunting. I actually had more than a few call backs, and have been going around all over the places for interviews and second interviews etc. It is going well, and it would be even better if I actually get one of these jobs.

 

Recently, the whole interview things are getting tougher, as I did my knee in about 10 days ago. I put my pic up so my distant friends can see it (and get amused.) What happened was, really, I was going to go (sorry if anyone was snacking), and taking the sitting down position, and next second I was falling from face down. I was in so much pain and my mates had to call an ambulance. But I was graceful enough to pull my jeans up so mates didn't have to see my half naked butts and stuff.

 

It was too painful to move after pulling jeans back on, so I couldn't see how my left knee was bent, but, according to my friends it was completely dislocated and flipped into some impossible direction.

 

Now I am wearing this cyborg paddy things and walking around with crutches. I should NOT be driving, and I couldn't anyway for a while, but now I really have to and I am. This is the first time I am doing something my doctor told me not to. (Even smoking was said to be OK by my doctor, since I smoke so little.)

 

My mum thinks that my life has been tainted with bad luck, having blocked toilet and dislocated knee and all that, but, look at the world, there are tons of people having bad times. I just think that everyone is having a bit of bad luck (I don't think there is anyone totally happy and great at this precise moment; am NOT being a drama queen and self-centred.)

Birthday

Today is NOT my birthday, but my special Norm's.
I miss you Norm. You are THE retrievable friend I always need.

Happy Birthday, love.

Translation

This is an actual job description; 

Looking for someone with excellent customer service skills, and who is a good communicator - must be smart in appearance & well spoken.

This reads;

 

Looking for someone with 3-5 years of experience in customer service skills, and who is native English speaker - must be good looking & posh sounding.

I am;
with no experience,
not native speaker
not notably good looking
and
sounds like someone from Queens
with German hippy mum
and Welsh dopehead dad.

My weeks have been spent on looking for hundred jobs a day. I vowed myself not to complain but to enjoy this process. I am well aware that I lack experience, and my degrees won't help much on getting a job I want (I have really bad science degree and really good art degree, but there is no such thing as permanent job for artists.)

The first week was dull and quiet. I applied for many jobs and registered with equally many job agencies. The second week was busier, as I got call back and emails from all sorts of places. Each time, I had NO idea which job I was interviewed for, and I dared not to ask,
"Sorry, which agency did you say you are calling from?"
so I could avoid sounding so desperate in need for work.

The third week and the fourth was quite busy as I was called OUT for face-to-face interviews and registration. It was tiring. Each agency told me very different reasons for why I was not to find work easily. One time I had 4 interviews a day, and at the end of it I felt like all my confident was taken away, piece by piece. I mean, if you feel strong about your creativity, and organisation, but not so much for the PC skill, you expect the agency to tell you to strength the PC skill. But after the first agency told me to strength the PC skill, the next one told me that my creativity will get in the way as it is not such a desirable thing if I wanted to be an accountant. Then the next one would say my organisation skill is not so special as EVERYONE would say that. (I am not wanting to be an accountant, BTW.)

And right after that, another agency phoned up when I did not expect. ---I never realized that I was applying to be a candidate for the agencies, instead of certain positions. They phone up after you apply for a position through some job web site, and ask one or two questions to see if they want to keep you, and if they do, they ask you to come in for an interview - not for the job, but to register. It's all complicated.

Anyway, so this agent phones up, and started asking rather many questions. He was all very negative, and jumping to negative conclusions, hinting all bad consequences. Then he began telling me the fact I switched my degree from science to art is a very weak point for me, as it seems like I won't stick around in a position. This is the FIRST EVER time I lost it in my job hunting process. (Hopefully the last, too.)
"Are you actually telling me that I will never get a job because I have two university degrees???"
The agent quickly turned to say,
"Well, since your case is unique, do you mind if I discussed it with my colleague and get back to you?"
Of course, he never did.

I am just about getting actual serious job interviews. I think I am doing OK. It won't happen easily and it will go on and on for years till I am finally comfortable and moderately satisfied. It's all experience.

Good luck to all of you who is doing the same. (Especially you, Lee. With your shiny 2:1, you can do so much better than I do )

A Day Trip to HO No.2

And there will be No.3 to follow. Tomorrow. I hate that organization so much.

Calling Out Loud

I went another mid-night shopping 'cause we run out of dog food. I run out of coke yanks ago anyway so it was time.

Herald slipped into their vast car park at around 0.30am, and I checked out my cart at around 1.30am. There was this very capable lady staff who started helping me bag, and was running around, telling customers about regulations.

Don't you hate when these people start to bag your stuff? And you can't say

'No, thanks.'

as they are somewhat physically challenged or something, and it seems very mean if you refused their service, but you are well aware that them helping is NOT speeding up any process of your check-out. I mean, I really don't know these laws on hiring and equal opportunity. I am, in fact, one who gets the blessing of the equal opportunity (I am female and am an ailien.) but I'd rather not make others/customers feel sorry with/for that fact. So, I can never tell a man with a crutch to stop bagging my stuff.

Oh, I went the sideways. Was going to say that I simply hate people bagging my stuff. I am an OCD, and I have strict order to put stuff into my basket/cart, AND to put them into bags. I want my stuff bagged in certain orders. I want the weight distributed evenly into right and left, too. The lady staff was not physically challenged or anything at all, but just was eager to help. But, hey, it's like 2am, and nobody is rushing home, mate. Leave my grocery alone!

On top of it, she started NAMING the stuff as she bagged.

"Your spring onions. Your crisps, which YOU can bag,"

turning the whole thing into OUR project.

"Your courgettes, your men's socks, your single cream..."

OK, ok, what are you doing, lady, couldn't you be a little louder???

"Um... stop itemizing my things, please...?"

I mumbled, and she looked at me as though she was V. offended.

"Um, thanks. Thank you so very much for your help."

I grabbed my bag with 10 tins of chopped tomatoes. She still looked unhappy.

Earlier that day, my bitch run away for the third time. After the last time I went to the key place and got her a name tag with contact number on. So, this time someone phoned up within 10 min. (Thank you Justin xx)

Last time and the time before, and even this time, though, I usually try to see if she will pop out from our neighbours' hedges when I call out. Now, she was supposed to be called 'Stella', as I love that name. It's my favourite name of a tasty beverage. She was named otherwise, with another name of a tasty beverage, after I considered to name her after someone, as well as a drink.

When she went missing and I went around the neighbourhood for hours shouting her name,

"Baileeeey, Bailey!!"

I was so grateful that I didn't go with our first choice of her name. I mean, I do not need looking like Stanley. I look mad enough without it, mate.

A Day Trip to HO

Not Whore, H.O.

I drove, what, 2 hrs (plus 1 hr looking for a car park) each way, through M4 and M25 AND M23 to get there, conquering my fear of M25, and jumped into a small queue, all smiley out of some nervousness, and what they tell me?

"Actually, the whole system is down today and we are closed. We will give you another appointment, or you can queue up any day before 10am."

My face went... 'BLANK'.

"Um... I just drove like 3 hrs to get here, and this is the SECOND time you cancelling my appointment. Is there ANYTHING you can do??"

The agent says,

"OH? Nobody called you to tell you that we are closed?"

Looking charmingly surprised.
....Would I be here if that was indeed the case????

I hate that place, not because I fear getting busted (coz I am not) but because it's just a bloody typical government body with loads of TAX money, let alone individual's resources, poured around for pathetic work schedules and bloody FIVE0s who chat around all day, looking all macho under the UMBER security alert, randomly intimidating people by doing luggage search, and going back to low intellectual CHATTING.

Am going there again, next week. I don't believe in 3rd time lucky at all, but I don't think I can do this every week so it will have to be it. It's really not much fun otherwise.

Weirrrrd

Weird thing; to look at my wedding photos.

 

As my profession goes, I have to work on mine, too, out of habit. I scan negs, control colours and clean the dusts out. I keep looking at them and am numb as usual. (You cannot really "look" at photos under these circumstances if you are working on the visual quality.)

 

Then it hit me as I was looking at my "KISS" photo. That is truly my first EVER kiss photo. Yooow. I never even owned a picture of myself and my fish before. All my exes usually refused to stand within the same frame as mine. Last one refused to be photographed, as he was pulling a con on me, and the one before just did not want to have any evidence that we have ever met, ever.

 

Besides it is my policy never to shoot someone I had ANY intimacy with, as I hate those "Photographer-And-Model-Affairs-Through-Lens" crap, which usually creeps me out. (Like, when I look at the Jean Shrimpton pictures by Master Bailey. Bit too graphic and too much information.) Oh, I hate 'em, especially when they are done by women photographers.

 

Anyway. It is surreal to look at myself in these photos, locking my lips on some else's, on other people's request, so they can take photos of us. It is just unreal that some guy felt OK about doing that with me, and that people wanted to see it with their eyes.

 

...The world has gone mad, if you ask me.

I'm OK, How's Everyone Else?

Not that anyone send me an email asking me whether or not I'm OK after last week, but yes, I am. Hope everyone else was.

I was, in fact, not in UK at that time, and was honeymooning in Europe.

Was totally blown off by the news, which was in the language we barely understood.

It hit me so hard as we landed in Stansted and took the tube to home. All the circle line was NOT moving.

Am not going to write about the incidence, but am deeply sorry for all the victims and hope everyone will get clear info as soon as possible.

It's a Done Deal

We've done it, we are married. Thanks to everyone who came to the ceremony xx

Take Me To The...On Time

Tomorrow is THE day. I am counting on you, Leebo and Rob. I will be driving to the Registry Office in my dress, in my Herald. It will be all over when someone says "I do"...

What a Turn-Outer

After F.O.R.B. to old mates, I was invited for a sit-in in a garden, which turned into a BBQ.

Now, I really am not a berbie person, I just don't see the attraction of grilled food, unless they are fresh sea-food (preferably alive... Um, they are the best and that's why I don't do BBQ.) I mean, what's the bloody point of charcoaling burgers when it tastes so much better off a drive-thru? I don't think chicken tastes good when it's overcooked, which is always the case in berbies as people want to make sure it is indeed cooked. Let alone sausages, god, can't stand them anyhow, why would I want carbonised version in buns??

The thing is, every time I get to go to BBQ I am more interested in how much I get to drink, while staying away from all the smoky stuff. Then I somehow ALWAYS end up being in charge of the fire.

There are usually a bunch of guys who THINKS they can get the fire going, and just very good at making black smoke, and after colouring sausages in black I kinda have to quietly step in for a smoother running.

All you ever need to do is to start a flame, and put coals over it, not the other way around... What makes them think the flame will simmer DOWN into cold coals??

Anyway, so we started fire, and people chopped chicken and pork, varieties of veg, and the next thing I know I was sat in front of the fire, skewing and spicing the meat and veg... Oh, am so OCD. Why can't I let it go and let someone else do this whole thing? It would be funnier on the premise of them screwing it up, in a funny, summery sort of way...

Tomato, Chicken, Onion with jerk seasoning
Pork, Apple, Peppers with cumin and coriander
Chicken with lime and chilli

It took over 2 hrs to cook 12 kebabs, and they were lovely. The whole day turned out to be so perfect, except for the fact I found out that I am now going out with a bongo owner...

He Has a Point, but F.O.R.B.

I cannot fight a fight where there is no common ground for us to reach.

Went to see the people from my old work, as it is customary for them to go to Upin after the Summer Ball, till they pass out (most of them are just out of 15 hr shift, and some were out of 24 hr shift.)

I was not allowed to work in the Ball this year, but I really wanted to be part of it, so I popped in to see familiar faces.

They were welcoming for about 30 sec, before they all started taking the piss. Arty Tommy actually told to my face, looking into my eyes,

"When are you gonna get that I hate you? Why? Because you are so bloody annoying."

This is pretty standard, but then others started raising hands when I jokingly responded,
"Oh, so you want me to leave?"

It is never nice to find out that your friends of past 3 years actually hate you and your principles.
"You came here uninvited, barging in on us, and you have talked nothing but your ceremony and your boyfriend, FUCK OFF!!"

My old boss shouted at me, muttering that I needed to hear. It all happened in a very smiley friendly air. Hard to explain how it was possible for that to happen.

I will never speak to them again.

I never, in my life, have, and will shout at someone who's opinion wouldn't agree with mine. I have my reasons for my way of living, and I am well prepared to tell you how and why, but I have no desire to convince you so your head turn around to the other way. I never sacrifice somebody's life for my own happiness, and I always assume that my existence is never a plus to anyone, if not a minus.

Besides, I worked my arse off for you all, I say ALL, for 3 yrs, and this is the reception I receive? Fuck you all.

Happy Summer Ball!!

This is the first one I am not working/attending in 9 yrs. (Well, I never fully attended as a guest, actually.)

Last year I worked 13 hr shift, and found out that my pay was on the minimum wage instead of the standard 9 quid per hour summer ball wage. Never again.

Have a great time, people, with King Rolf.

Time Out / Current mood: distressed

I had a to-do list, I followed them strictly, AND I forgot to order rings in time!?!

Now we won't have rings for the ceremony!!

Oh, let's just hope we will at least have shoes for Dunny or she will show up in barefoot for an Alicia Silverstone style wedding.

Oh, no, no, no, NO rings??? (Still dazed...)

Damn, I Dropped 'em

Well, so he says why don't we go out, and it was quid a drink night in Upin, so I buy myself 2, which was topped up later. And went back to his, and was chatting to Hanabo and then, while having a couple of cans.

THEN, for some reason, I decided to clear the glasses. That's how I broke 2 and a half glasses last night.

What was the worst bit, was, after apologizing, I started the philosophy on how things will not remain in eternity. Am crap.

I think my cold is coming back for rekindle. Go away.

Forever Mrs. Robinson

Anne Bancroft has past away, I cannot believe it.

She was THE mother to Harvey Fierstein, and RDJ, and she was THE only American Jeanne Moreau, with class and sexy all over her.

I will never forget the 65th Academy Award when she and Dustin Hoffman did the presentation, they looked so cute, and above all that THE GRADUATE business. (And people always will remember her as Mrs Robinson.)

So, here's to you, Mrs Brooks, Jesus (if he's there) will kiss your foot for your great work, and for these killer legs. You are my definite figure of gracefully maturing human being. I will miss you more than you will know, wow, wow, wow.

Rob Told Me

that I sure know how to pick 'em. More than once, in fact. After last night, I must agree with him more than ever. HOW DO I DO THAT???

Date

We've set the date. It's 23rd. If any1 wants to send us the gifts, please feel free to do so !x!x!x! We could use some Botanic Garden chinas, except for the butter tray. (Oh, me and my expensive bloody taste...)

Tried About 4 Times to Have a Break

I hate that roundabout near Oracle. I went through that like 3 or 4 times before I ended up in Caversham, decided to take a country lane instead of A329 to Oxford.

These roundabouts are SO scary, because; They don't have clear signs to say where to turn; Everyone goes SO fast; and once you get into a wrong way, you are in the middle of scary Reading one-way system, and takes forever to get back to give another try.

Anyway, so we spent about half an hour before giving up, and hitting the country lane, which turned out to be so beautiful. Then we came alongside the Thames with pretty villages, where the river was shining in nice end-of-May sun.

We went to Oxfordshire for some ancient trekking, which was really quite rough on my Triumph because we got lost so many times and had to turn around in the oddest places, and as a result my exhaust fell off. The return journey was deafeningly noisy one.

But all in all it turned out to be such a nice break. White Horse on the hill side, made out of chalk was just so pretty. We sat in its head and watched a brown sheepdog run around two ladies with daisy chains on their heads.

Even the 99p cheese burger from the garage was divine after nice walks.

So It Was Not Just Me Then....Drink Some More, Son

My crush tells me that that bitch whale actually did make a pass, after he declared to her that he is with someone.

I am not usually good at spotting things between two lovebirds, but, this time I was right and wasn't even being paranoia. Ohh, well.

My proud trick/hobby/advantage is to entertain my guests REAL well, by opening up my precious mini-bar and mix these bottles in nice combinations, using the HUGO BOSS shaker and the double ended measuring cup. I can come up with so many cocktail recipes after another, using some booze I never even drink.

Once I mixed this drink and brought it over to a garden party. Everyone had one small cupful each, and that was the end of it. People lost their will to speak, and even stopped passing their joints, coz they didn't have the needs for them any more, ha! It was my good that the drink was so SMOOTH, made it easier for them to finish it in almost one go. ...After people recovered I asked them to name this blue coloured cocktail, and it was decided to be called; SKY IS THE LIMIT. I wanted to call it, however, Lucy in The Sky (with diamond.)

So, last night I successfully drowned my crush with these nice ones. Oh, my, that man sure can drink. Yet, he passed out the minute he hit the pillow. That's the way I like my guest to sleep.

That Whale on the Beach

HONEY's new guy's sis definitely fancies my crush. I am PISSED OFF and scared. If her bro could steal HONEY away from BEE, am sure his sis could do the same to me. I don't think I can physically take her, either, she is like 2 stones (4 sizes) bigger than me.

What a Fucking Phony... Deal with It.

So HONEY breaks up with BEE and hooks up with another guy within a few days, bringing him back to the house where BEE lives.

BEE was living in a room with HONEY so now he moves into a communal room and sleeps on a sofa.

I have been in the house day after day, watching him suffer, like his heart is bleeding and just opening up the wound by itself, minute by minute, as HONEY goes off to see a new guy and don't come home.

It all happened in past couple of weeks. I have a body which gets depression like it's a infection. I was doing everything to make sure neither of us gets dragged down by his depression.

I even started attacking my crush by saying
"ALL men sucks and ALL women fake."
He didn't speak to me for a while after that.

Last night HONEY brings the guy home and he spends a night with her in her room, WITH his sister, for some weird reason. BEE was totally low, while everyone else was talking to the newbies, like they have been best of friends for years. I stayed around till I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, so BEE wouldn't feel suicidal by being on his own. 

Today I go around there, HONEY's new guy and his sister are still there. The sister was lying on BEE's spare sofa like a humpback whale, baring the supersized stomach and uncontrollably spreading equally supersized thighs below cropped superwide pants. She was so charming in person and SO charming in her manner, I was terrified to watch her for more than 5 sec.

HONEY's new guy is actually super good looking, but he couldn't even speak straight as he was completely stoned as far as I have seen him.

I didn't know why they were still there since HONEY was long gone. Even more confusingly, BEE was in high spirit and talking in the friendliest manner to the newbies.

Probably to lift everyone's spirit to even higher level, they were all passing skinned up big ones, a few at a time between 5 people, and this is supposed to be a night before their big exam (starting 9am.)

I don't touch dope, and I am extremely uncomfy around heavily stoned people. So was naturally quieted down as they started giggling more frequently than ever.

Then more joints were passed around, and HONEY, who was at work, comes home. BEE is fine, everyone is acting normal, I am all confused.

Now everyone is smoking, and my crush is writing down half a page of revision memo a 2 hrs. He has the exam in 10 hrs and he only has 2 pages of materials to read and revise.

They then put a Futurama on, which is all very well, except they had to put on the ones I was forced to watch (by democracy) so many time, of which last round took place only 2 days ago.

My mind began looking for an excuse to leave.

Then D opens his mouth to the newbie,
"Do you eat mushroom?"
Newbie says that he can't swallow them due to its texture. My crush started, big time, on good recipes...

I stood up and grabbed my jacket with a big tired smile and said,
"I'm outy! Byeeee!!"

Can't deal with this fucked up commune things, and adolescent lurrrve shit that gets recycled and starts all over within a couple days. I bleed and I get depressed for mates, and I hate sluts. I don't do dope and I think shrooms are sorta A class. I am pleasant and am good at faking.... OH, I am so gonna get dumped. Am tired and can't sleep. Forget it.

Shopping for Morning

I never knew that I know SO little about morning suits!!

I remember studying men's suit styles years ago, but never even thought of coordination of those items.

I am buying a set of formal suits, (tux, tail, Edward, frock... What are you trying to pull ?!?) and, deary me, there are so many things that go with them, like, frock coat jacket may take laydown collar shirt with normal tie, but tail has to take wing collar shirt with Ascot.

And bow ties have to go with them silly tummyband. WHY??

And striped trousers are not formally allowed?? We are NOT attending a royal wedding, for c's sakes. Can we take a striped trousers and a tailcoat WITH a waistcoat, WITH a bow tie?

How about a tailcoat with a waist coat AND a wing collared shirt WITHOUT pleats and with a cravat?

Is any personal shopper out there? I am so bloody lost!

Hey, man, I am NOT buying your shoes, I can't even buy a desent pair for meself, how on io I will pick a pair for you?

History Classes

Oh, yeah, I scored so bad in those. Now I have to study a whole new set just so I can catch up what mates are saying.

Oh, yeah, it's fascinating to know why the stone henge was built. Nonetheless, I never wanted to know, now I know why. It's bloody boring.

I know why, mate, the true reason I never scored with you, the prehistoric man,

that is all because all down to the fact that I don't actually buy you existed.

History is a big fat fiction to me.

Sure, it must have fragments of truth to it, but how much though?

I don't want to use up my precious and barely-there brain cells for learning something might, or might jot have happened.

Ohh, all right, maybe I am just mumbling away from studying.

God, I wish I was studying Phytophthora infestans. (I miss you, Dr Shattock...)

Good News

This mail I was waiting for days finally came on Thu, and am all ecstatic. We are now talking dresses. Then Hannah dumps her boyfriend (in the same day.) Life is complicated.

This sunday has been lazy and non-eventful and my throat hurts a little. I am writing my script, and wondering what he is doing.

I do, though, always wonder what people are doing on Sundays, as I hardly ever have anything to do on Sundays and am deadly bored.

There are so many thing I wonder, like;

why I can't fit into my New Look dress sized 10 (I am sure it is size 8, or it makes no sense.)
why my fish are so fat though I don't feed them,

why I don't like Jim.

why I want ice cream when I'm ill.

Good luck on exams, people.

Damn the Law

Ever since I heard someone say that midnight shopping is fun, since there is no kiddies running around and you can pretty much do the kiddie run by yourself on/off the trolley, I've been wanting to do that 's soon as I get my car going.

It was indeed fun, though I did wish I was not on my own, looking like a telephone operator off duty, AND bumping into one of my ex dates.

The only thing pissed me off, ever so slightly, was that I went there a little TOO late for booze shopping (as everyone knows we can't have it after 11pm, no matter how badly we want it, OR even if you were only shopping for weekend parties), and now have to go back anyway for reasonably early hours for my monthly supply of liquids.

Guess I have fairly healthy friends who wouldn't go shopping after hours and find themselves not being able to purchace drinks.

Though, come to think of it, I have friends who taught me when is the earliest time you can get them from shop.

Well, I am a night owl and some people are earely sippers.

Shallow Grave Digging

I absolutely don't mean to.

Sometimes you can't help but meeting some people with OBVIOUS faults. Like, being extremely overweight, or having VERY visible skin conditions, or have bad depression.

I have no strong feelings against these things and I don't pick friends on the basis of these conditions.

After all, I have many a these such faults and THEY accept me for who I am. Even if I can clearly noticed these I never seemed consciously saw these things.

That is all very well.

Then after a while, I realize that I do actually have got some problems with these thing, DEEP DOWN.

It never surfaces, and I never say anything or take actions to mock these things. What happens is, after they dump me (not just boyfriends, friends dump me, too.) I feel like so;

"I accepted you despite these things, and now you are ditching me??"

That is the moment I feel so cold and sad about myself. I hate being so shallow, and would be shocked to realize that I was potentially narrow minded and snob all along.

Am I really shallow, or the ill feeling of getting dumped bring these hostility...?

It is particularly bad when I fall in love with someone. Like, being in love with someone with mental illness, like I did, will bring so much ill feelings after things go hideously wrong.

"I took you in despite of you being loon and all, now you are using that as an excuse to threat my life???"

OH, dear, I felt bad saying that.

I mean, knowingly letting myself in these situations was all my fault, and if I wouldn't like that I could have stayed away instead of pretending to be OK about it, till something got out of control.

Which truly is shallower;

not talking to someone because he has psoriasis all over his body,
or kissing his lesions and tell him he is beautiful, till he turns to you and tells you to bog off?

I am all HOT

Just been to the beer festival, and I got pretty nice tan all over. My skin is piping still. Only had 3 drinks (OH, why nobody told me for 2 years that the beer fest is actually the ale fest???) and got massive headache, so came back, leaving all the mates behind.

I must wonder that I actually got sicky because I was sitting in the sun for too long. Or, was it the first pint of ale I've ever had??

I know it's a lame thing to say, but I only do lager. Can't do ale.

Hey, all these guys who called me sissy for not drinking pints, I am doing that now and not gonna proceed to do ale, that is asking too much, man.

When I was growing up, ale was strictly for old men and geeks. And then we have a beer fest, or an ale fest, or whatever in order to appreciate the real ale in the country, EVERYONE comes out and drink ale?

Very funny.

Well, they did sell nice pork with pig's name on display. I'd go there again for the pork and these angus beef bups.

Have It All In Your Way Then

I now have ponds, and even these pretty red fish in them. I have all kinds of geraniums and thymes, let alone hybrid-Ts. I have robins visiting my garden and dance around the fish. Even my bitch is all calm and quiet due to the post-op condition. I've left the job I hated, thanks to that bitch boss, and it is the best weather outside.

I have a massive crush on someone. We have a beer festival in TESCO. I bought my first ever hipster. I have a MAROON5 CD. I have the entire works of Cole Porter. I am sleeping well. I got to see Lee and Rob last night. My fridge is filled with Carlsberg.

Human beings never stop wanting more, OK, so, what could I ask for more??

Please don't dump me today, it is just too much of a waste of a perfect day.

Even Dirker Tuesday

"I hate my job."

I kept saying that at least 10 times a day for god knows how long.
It was mainly because of Dirk bullying me to death, AND the fact the owner had some woman's jealousy towards me and being an utter bitch.

NOW, Dirk got me fired.

Hurrah!!

This is the first time I ever got fired. It's a shit job and I felt such a losery.

Then a mate told me that since I had no contract, I didn't technically get fired.

Hummm...

Dodgy Nighty

I just saw a pair of tits on eBay, as I was SIMPLY looking for 40s style summer dress.
Oh, gimme a break, give us a warning first, will ya??
BIG juicy soggin' breasts to sell nighties??

As I was looking for a new job, (that's right, not only I was let go, I was told not to come back from today.) I took my natural course and detoured to eBay.

eBay is the most wonderful thing ever happen to my life... more or less.

Just, have to watch not to bid on anything as my income has ceased as of today. Damn.

OK, maybe just one Nina Simone CD. It's summer, I need it.

Dirk Sunday

Sunday at work is full of impossible orders and a bossy co-worker who critisize everything I do.

I hate my job in such days and I hate the fact Sundays lately have been so bloody sunny and nice.

But today I kept smiling, as I kept spilling everything.

Madly IN.

Every Morning

Every morning, there's a heart shells hanging from the corner of my bed. Hating to wake up, hating to go to work, and all of sudden I am half an hour late already.

Blame it all on the traffic, although am very much aware of my boss's suspicious looks, and I put on a lab coat and get to work.

Every evening I clunk the card and go through the roughest path to gradually speed up to 80 mph, not even hearing my crappy CD player at its max volume, spitting out the lyrics about some girl and a boy.

I watch all the flashy cars to go by me and look up the sky and see the tint of blue and am all ecstatic.

I recount the numbers of beer from last night, I try to calculate the mileage / gallon, I think about grocery shopping, I think about coffee, I think about how cute our driver is ... that is my every day on motorways.

Today I kept shivering, I looked up to the grey sky and felt so cold because am so numb. Made stupid mistakes all day along and was shitting myself not to do that on the motorway...

Sky was grey and the road was half wet, I was just in total shock and shaking in denial

I think I did it again, FINALLY. I am so IN.

I want to be a...

Oh, look at me making statement on pond making, how boring when I am excited like that.

Ever since I saw barrels I was in a state of day dreaming, dreaming and dozed up in fever. It is just that ponds are the completion of my dream life.

I want to hear water trickle onto the surface as it rains, as it always does in here;I want to hear a whim of silence when I realize the fish twitch the flakes and make this noise, "Muuwa!!" ;
I want to be a gnome by the barrel ponds and just hide away;
I want to hush cats away from the ponds at the middle of the night and feel courageous and protective, and I want my bitches to join me and yap;
I want to find strange creatures floating dead in my ponds;
I want to fish out mosquito larvae from my ponds...

I like a simple life, with ponds.

Ponds for Frogs, that's what I want, baby

I am building ponds. AT LAST!!!

I need a serene scene in my garden. I can't possibly like driving behind a METRO without a single light working and hard breaks on mortorways. I can't like being hooted by a huge white lorry who decided to change lanes at a roundabout. I absolutely hate NTL broadband which keeps cutting off every 30min. Hate being told off at work for putting boxes not straight.

I want to come home to garden with ponds.

This, I tried and I do actually have a bath tub in my garden, which I planned to fill up with water so I can release fish in. But I am using it as a well, and I need it to stay that way.

Then the other day, I went to a garden centre where they sell barrels!! cheap!!!

My brain is feilled up with the ideas once again. I am checking all the aquatic supply shops around.

I am going to build ponds.

4 beers and 7 fags later

That wasn't the reason I called someone slut, besides I don't even know if there was a sagittarius girl.

But if there was, and if it was you, Hannah, I called myself a bitch so it wasn't personal at all and I think you are hot.

Why men ask me what the star sign people are like, always quoting his girl friends' signs.

I mean, I bet you know hers way better than I ever do, since I never met them and you are sleeping with them for a long time??

Just because leo women have tendency to use people, scorpios to self pity and aquarius women to drive men crazy with their mistique, that doesn't mean your leo girls are using you, or you should dump your scorpio girls because that is what happen to them all the time, nor you should stay away from aquarius.

Tendency is not the abs. truth either, and I am not totally following the signs, either.

Today

is someone's birthday, everyday is, of course, and tomorrow is someone special's birthday, it always will be.

I hate it that the day was so sunny and nice and hot like summer, and I hate it that I had a lousy day a year ago today and remembering it so I just hate the nice weather, and I hate it that my tears feel so uncomfortable because they are warm and the air was tricking on my face even hotter.
I will be happy tomorrow and will insist on celebration although I never met Bobbie, and I will drink to his sobriety.


Orgasm guy has borrowed my spade, and brought it back, thanks.
I am sick of my friend trying to trick me into having cyber with him... get laid already, there are plenty of Asian whores in your neighbourhood, and I most certainly am not one to provide any service to you.


I am thankful to my workmates for dismissing my bitching about today, and I am thankful to the weather and cherry blossoms regardless of their generosity to give the beau to everyone, I mean, EVERYONE.

400 HITS!!!!

Yeah!

I would say thank you to whoever hit it, but I have a strong suspicion that it WAS me.

Anyway, thanks to all who visit me xx

RDJ

Happy Birthday to you, Bobbie,
I love thee so much,
you make me smile and want to be
whatever you want me to be ♥ ♥

Didn't know that one! ((RENT the MOVIE))

Great news that RENT is currently being filmed, I was waiting for it to happen for a LONG time.

I don't know if the film will be OK in the end. I mean, there are so many of us just expecting THE perfection, and that is not easy thing to happen.

Casts seem perfect enough to me, I am so glad that they brought Taye Diggs back in, and Adam Pascal, too.

And I think Wilson Jermaine Heredia is fab as Angel. Can't wait to see her in silver screen, really.

And De Niro is producing the film???? I didn't know that one!!!!

Mail Order

Taping Birthday Girl right now. A wonderful film, it is so taking the piss.

There are 3 types of people who are attracted to and do date people from abroad.

1: People who fancy the idea of something different.

And for them meeting foreign citizen is bit of an excitement. Dating foreigners is not such a big deal but an experience indeed to them.

When excitement wears off, that's the real moment to figure if they actually fancied the aliens, or the idea of them/idea of dating them.

They always deny that the fact their boyfriends/girlfriends being foreigner is NOTHING to do with anything, but, surely, there is unusualness in their relationship including massive cultural differences, and v. possibly the language barriers. If they think their relationship is VERY normal like any other, they are so lying. They are communicationally challenged, so be it.

2: People who think they are well educated about foreign affairs and cultures.

Meeting certain nationality people is such an excitement to them and they feel instant feelings of belonging to them, though this is usually the worst type of lots, because they think they know, and believe me, they just THINK they do.

Just because you watched a couple of manga films that doesn't justify your credibility to do justice on Japanese culture, and just because you drink Blue Island beer that doesn't make you a Chinese party scene expert.

And when you meet them in YOUR country, the chances are very slim that they are very typical of their nationality; if they are so truly typical and love being so they probably never left their country. And the last thing they want is to be treated like an encyclopaedia of their culture, or collection of your pennants from your cultural trip. This is a positive discrimination.

3: People who can't get laid in their own country.

I know some people went and came back from certain destination with wives, and they always tell us,
"Yeah, I fell in love with this girl and we got married."

Or, did you? Are you sure you didn't pick her number out of a catalogue, or internet BRIDAL sites?
And these are the people who actually use the type 1 people. World works in a neat way.


I am a mixture of two. Not telling which ones (hehe.) : p

Confession

Whoever saw a BIG S swinging sway in a Bracknell roundabout this morning, yes, it was me. I sincerely am sorry. Lost control and was lucky didn't kill anyone, or my bloody self.

Then today I was asked to give lifts, by 4 people (!!) Nobody ever asked me for a lift before in my life!! So much is happening!! Am learning so fast!!

Once, I actually gave Dopey Dude a lift without telling him that I haven't exactly passed the test. Just once.

"I didn't know you have passed the test. When was it?"

He said as we drove off and I carefully, and tactfully changed the gear to 3rd.

"Oh, well,"

I paused as I slowed down for a right hand turn.

"Well, actually,"

I turned, and turned the gear back to 3rd. Nobody can't escape now as we just go down the hill from there.

"I haven't."

....I will NEVER forget the face Dopie pulled. Sorry, I just really felt like kidnapping you. Call me lune. (I feel plenty awful for that driving and I've done my time.)

Dating an FBI Agent

That was my dream last night. Well, he was possibly actor who was acting as an agent, I can't remember any more. The guy himself is actor in Hollywood in this world, anyway.

I do know that my mind is so twisted and I have not an ounce of romance left in my bones. But I used to dream about lovely love stories I would like to experience as I grow old. Or, did I?

I was reading back some old diary from my lowteen, like, 12, 13 or 14 and found a passage saying about my ideal relationship. Again, this was from my lowteen time. There, I was loud and clear on these points;

I don't mind my boyfriend to go off for some other people, AS LONG AS he comes back to me in the end.
I NEVER want to do any couple stuff, therefore he won't need to splash money on me.
He NEVER needs to tell me that he loves me, coz I don't need to hear it.

AGAIN, this was from my LOWTEENS!

I was terrified when I found this. I must have thought I was being so mature for not being needy, but I now look at this as dysfunctionally deteriorated mind of a kid for that sort of age.

I am now no more hopeful than this passage, and it seems v. sad even to me. Why am I so cold and realistic and not dreamy about lurrve??

Anyway, so I went to sleep and bump into this dream last night. I was dating a FBI agent who wanted to show me where he works. It was LOVELY. He was so caring about me, and I felt the safest ever in my life. I was in the middle of security queue, looking at the gates (were seen before in MATRIX) and terrified of them, but at the same time I knew that I will be OK because he will be there to scoop me out from any trouble if anything went wrong. After passing the gates he got beeped for some meeting, and had to go for a while, so gave me a quick kiss and disappeared.

That was that. I woke up, feeling marvellous, and thought that was weird. I never fancied this actor guy. He so isn't my type, actually. And I never fancied that sort of relationship where I was looked after like I am a yappy puppy.

Do I want a boyfriend? Do I want to be looked after? Or, do I just want to date a FBI agent? (Well, who wouldn't?)

Yes! Yes! Yes!

"Oh, Yes! Yes!! YES!!!"
"Yes! Yes! Ohh, YES!!"
Cough cough
"Ooooohh YES!!!"
Choking
Squeak, squeak
"Oh! Oh!! OH!!!"
Spring, squeak, spring and squeak
COUGH COUGH, CHOKING and more CHOKING
.......What the hell ARE YOU DOING on your own, my neighbour???

And whatever it is, keep it down, I could count the number of squeaking of whatever from here.

OK, listen

Easter?!? What is that!?! I hate holidays, so stop selling Easter eggs at garages in front of me when I have to fill my Herald up every the other day, and stop doing stuffing commercials when am enjoying Biography channel.

I have a big weekend planned touring garden centers. Thta IS my heavenly weekend.

...Have a nice holiday, all my friends!!

Milk Crown

I'd rather be servicing you than being called up for your MOTs, love.

Value That Time

Listening to your boyfriend (now ex) goes on and on how much he admires this actress from a 70s lame BBC comedy show, how she is his dream woman and is perfect, and think "You are weirdo and a half, you should get yourself a Mrs Robinson because I am only 5 yrs older than you and not at all old enough (Like, by 40 yrs.)";
2.80p (Two cans of Fosters.)

Listening to your boyfriend (now ex) rambling on how diffrent and not at all his ideal you are compare to this actress who screaches at her on-screen husband because he told her that he won't get her a fancy flocks since they are leading the self-efficiency life style and think "Did I ever ask you to get me anything fancy, or ANYTHING? Beside you always conveniently disappeared before any event so you don't have to pay for anything.";
4.20p (Three cans of Stella Artois.)

Listening to your boyfriend (now ex) pointing at this actress, aged same as your mum and playing a wife of a nutty dentist, who looks like the actress mentioned above, and heatedly telling you that they are so his dream women and they must be related, and think "GOD, you are a pervert, all the women you like must be related in order to have one big orgy with you at once.";
10quid (One bottle of good vodka and Pepsi MAX.)

Seeing the actress mentioned above in a TV ad for pension, without credit to her name;
PRICELESS.

Her anagrams is: Fine tickle lady.

I always liked Margo lot better anyway, by the way.

French Fancies and NTL dude

O, they are great,

they never let me down, they are always so perfect with them small creamy buttons on top with at least 3 different colour flocks on, and are so sweet and soo pretty.

The driving is getting better since I quit driving BLOODY M25 and started driving my Herald.

Herald doesn't handle speed too well so I have no choice but to go extra careful.
She CAN do 70mph and more,
but I can't handle her over 60mph on corners. She is a little on the heavy side and she goes over the line easy...(Ssslut!)

I will quit Fancies soon, I will be, coz, GOD, I gained 2lb already!! Niiice...

And so I really don't appreciate being called up by a cable company after a long day at work about some non-payment; look what happened, I started a full-on heated debate on the phone with the Cable Dude.

"You have an overstanding payment in your already-closed account."
"No, I don't."
"You do. You will have to pay, or we will pass the information onto the collecting agency."
"I called millions of time asking for the residue payment and was told each time that I don't owe you anything. Now you are calling me up and making me pay???"

In the end, because I am basically a nice person and love writing complaining letter in my free time, I paid whatever he told me and even suggested to look up something else I might owe, and paid for it, too.

"Thank you so much for your time, and I apologise if I came on a little too strong."

Awww, don't say that, man, you are so using GUILT tricks on me now. I wasn't havin' a go at ya, I was merely tellin' ya that I was angry with your company. NTL really do suck so bad.

I never argue with the customer services, though they seem to get quite defensive and start to repeat their "policies" in the hopes of shutting me up. Honestly, there is no point having a go at people who is NOT in charge of anything. It's not like they can make some changes to suite your need if you complain enough. That only happens in international banks. The best way to go is to ask for their supervisors (though chances of getting the actual supervisors are very slim) OR ask them for written confirmation, OR just tell them you are not happy but not prepare to talk to them because it won't do anything (and they will suggest some alternative.)
It's true.

Humiliation, Agony and Guilt. I Just Wanna Cry, Baby.

I am a green leaf driver. It means I JUST passed the test and I am not really qualified to handle cars in every thinkable situation.

This novice driver is now driving M4 every day to and from work.

It is a bit too much for me, especially when I have to work ALL day on top of 3.5 hrs driving. It is sheer scary to drive motor ways when you are that bran-spankin'-new, then so you decide to get down to A roads.

What you don't realize is that A roads have signals and roundabouts. (I am TERRIFIED of roundabouts. They are just SOOO scary and have too much locality to them and are very unkind to travellers. How do I supposed to know which way to sway if there was no sign!?!?)

It has been only a week since I started driving so much, but EVERYDAY has been agony. I have been making mistakes after another.

Once I couldn't tell where the temporally signal stop sign was and blocked the opposite lane;
once I couldn't tell which lane to slip in, in order to go into the second exit on a roundabout and blocked my lane for a few minutes (coz right lane people didn't let me cut in,);
once I was so concentrating following the car in front of me and ignored the signal completely, so I reversed about 10M to get back into the position;
and twice I scratched the left top corner of my RENTED car into bosses and someone else's cars when parking (which count as I did that every the other day. I apologized on both account, by the way.)

These times are the time I was screaming in my car,
"I am so SORRYYYY!!! I seriously am!!!!"
to cars around me, especially the one right behind, and the times when I can see people laughing at me;
I could practically hear them sneering (especially the people on the passengers seats. The drivers are probably yelling at me.) and less serious BUT so humiliating, and am feeling SO low, like,
"GOD, I shouldn't be driving, am so useless!!"
and there are, obviously, other times where things are a bit more serious, like when I get hooted on M25 for switching lane because I didn't see the sign to turn for M4 till the last minute.

I just need reassurance that everyone goes through this...OR am I seriously BAD???

Am eating a mountain of french fancies to sooth my nerves. Aren't they so cute and so nice to you...?

Fridge

Is my fridge broken? I really can't tell. It seems like making a noise,
and cooling things but not as cool as always...
Or maybe I am being paranoia because the bulb is gone?

How do you know it's not working, honestly?
I will know tomorrow, I guess, after work when I come home to
a pond of all kind of juices on the floor licked off by my bitches...

What It Means to Be All That

I went to see a play in London years ago. It was the theatre version of The Graduate, and was calling in raving reviews from everywhere.

My normal motives for going to plays are usually based on the cast or the fact they are re-makes; I go and see them if they got interesting people acting in, or I have seen them before as films or something else.

This play I went to see had a huge attraction or two like that, obviously, because
1. it was The Graduate, my favourite film of all time, and
2. Mrs Robinson was played by Kathleen Turner, the serial mama.

But there was another HUGE attraction in this play which I didn't know about, and which made my jaw drop half way through the play.

"Benjamin, I want you to know I'm available to you."

Along that famous line, Mrs Robinson, Kathleen Turner, showed up on the stage BUTT NAKED.

"If you won't sleep with me this time -"

Oh my God. (Benjamin, me and probably the entire audience.)

"If you won't sleep with me this time, Benjamin, I want you to know you can call me up any time you want and we'll make some kind of arrangement."

That was the moment the illusion came down to the ground. The famous Hollywood actor, wearing nothing but a birthday suites, looking exactly like your mother (well, slimmer, to be fair) instead of this shape with nothing is ex-s and everything is perky and high up. I wouldn't say it was comforting, and I would certainly not say it was gross. It was just shocking. It was shocking because she was so daring, and she was so really there. I felt like I shouldn't be looking.

Naked body tells all, and that's exactly why it should be kept in private, at least partially. So is sex. I am sick of these overexposure of it.

My Herald

is a bloody lemon!!!!!

Lemonade

Just took a long soothing bath and I can still smell the fume in my nostril...

I spent twice as much as I paid for the car itself, for fixing her up, and it lasted, what, 4 hrs???

Do I have to pay for whole lot of labour and stuff again, AND take a train to wonderful Wokingham and drive all the way back here AGAIN??? (Wokingham IS wonderful. Such a pretty place.)

Is this a sign saying that I should let her go???
Or just taking the piss saying,
"You spent all that money on this rusty lemonade, and
NOW you can't back off, coz you got too much to lose.
So, LET'S JUST KEEP GOING, THELMA."

God, I still love her, she is gorgeous and moves beautifully,
you know, when she does feel like it.

Home Coming Home Queen

She's here, she's shinier, am buying me a beer...!!

Coffee and Herald

Had 5 cups of coffee and got paid,

and I am finally getting my Herald back.

Oh, I missed her so much, can't wait to see her...!

Friday was our election day. I went out there to support my friends, by having as many pints as I can possibly have. It is all about getting tipsy while you wait for the result, and it can be quite boring as the air is not exactly shouting
"parrrty onnnn!"
and you aren't there to make out with your loveliness either.

I ended up talking about parmesan cheese with a friend of friends, that, apparently, you can shoot the block of parmesan cheese by a gun or rifle to see if it matured OK.

It was actually quite interesting culinary talk altogether, including my favourite topics of culturelism.

None of my friends won in the end. It was harsh. Everyone is leaving as a result of that, and I will be stuck with that short bulky guy as our president for next year... Well, he seemed nice enough though.


The thing I recall the most every time we do these elections, is our Kev.
Kev says it all that student elections are popularity contests.
Kev was, well, still probably is the most famous gay guy in town, where I did my humble degree course. He stood for anything year after year and he always won. He always had outrageously well made posters for his campaign. (The best one was him pausing as Raffaelo's angels stare into the air with their chins resting on their hands.)


He was camp, he was loud and he was beautiful not because he was insanely good looking but because he was SO full of himself and people just couldn't get enough of him.

Election was just one of few things Kev did to show off how good he was at everything. He was the master of orchestrating himself to be "something else" and I seriously admired that aspect of him.

Really, if one needs a self-guidance seminor all needed is Kev.
Forget these crap make-over TV shows where people tell you soppy life stories and trying to convince you how ugly they are, (well, you are not bad at all and stop saying you don't have any boobs because I can see them from here.) and get him to sing a tune or two in front of you.

You just see him as the best example of how you can carry yourself and turn everyone's head around.

Or how to slap and tickle people's self consciousness so they will be dancing on your palm.

Or, to learn there is a definite line between THESE folks and THE rest of us.

Sure, he worked hard to be what he was, but just that confidence he had was more than enough to make us all drool.

There was a situation at work which I don't care to talk about, and I had a big meeting with the human resource personnel. The result of the meeting was my temporally suspension from shifts, and I was not feeling 100% OK when I set off from the office.

I wondered into the venue to see if any of my bosses are there so I could inform them my expected absence for next few weeks, and I saw this guy sitting with a panini and a cup of coffee.

Instantly I was nauseated. This guy looked exactly like my pervert ex.

However, he simultaneously looked like a completely different person because his hair and beard were too long grown, and he was eating something. (He never had money so he never bought anything in front of me, and if this was him, it was a sight of miracle.) I mean, how many people do you know have really long beard with long curly hair with glasses who drink coffee and wear navy blue coats. LOADS.

I just had to determine if I was just a freakin' paranoia, or he is actually there but acting like I don't even exist.

I lurked around there for almost 10 minutes in daze, and panicking feelings from guts, to see if it was him, and to be really honest I couldn't tell.
I only left there because I saw his phone which was an oldish Nokia, not his Siemen.

Isn't that weird, I thought. I was so obsessed about him, and I was so desperate to forget about him at the same time, now can't tell if it is him or not even if I stand an inch away from him in a broad day light.

It is a good thing, I guess. This pervert has become just an idea, and does no longer breath and grow old or grow anything out of my memory land, and even though I hate this person I don't have to do anything, like throwing a pint into his face, to THE actual person if I bumped into him. We now live in completely different universes and..... I am safe from his malice, I guess.

I ate a lot, really did, and it has finally happened.

Peace xx

Stiffy

One day I woke up and felt my neck stiff.
"Oh, I sleep it off before work,"
I thought, and went back to sleep.

One hour later, I woke up and couldn't turn my head.
Showed up to work late, looking like the Frankenstein's monster,
you know, like you wear a back brace, with just your arms dangling.

This was last Sat night and I slept the whole next day and half off,
because I was getting headache and back ache from the stiffness,
and I still am in pain now...

Monday was real bad, I had the leathal combination of hang over and some sort of bug, with solid steel neck and had to be puking face down ALL day not knowing where I am hurting and why I was in a state.

I had what, 4 pints 6 hrs ago and that is hardly a reason for yukking. Allergic reactions suspected there.

Don't understand why I developed conditions with beers;
every time I go out I have less and less choices of beers I can drink, and end up half dead next day, yet I can drink bottomless at home from cans and bottles. Am I too sensitive for pubs??? (LOL)

Started off with Stella, then Carling, and Kronenberg... now POSSIBLY Bud on tap. (Oh, dear, I hope not.) Who sells Carlsberg, that's the only one I don't yuk afterward.

Soon I end up drinking only from bottles, I'm sure. What a waste!

Oh, well, I can always go back to Cuban Libre...I guess.

I am totally green

Went to work thinking it was "Anti Valentine's Party" night.
Then I saw bunch of people wearing stickers (red, yellow and green) and LOADS of couples. Kept thinking,
"No, no couples are allowed here, this is ANTI V day!"
and then slowly realized that anti V day thing was held next door.

These stickes were;
GREEN = am free and single (take me now)
YELLOW = may or may not be single (so don't bother with me)
RED = am taken (and am shagging the person standing next to me)

I think this is cheap. But is probably something for me at the same time. I'm such a bad flirt, people think I'm flirting when am absolutely not interested, and people never find out who I fancy. This one, therefore might work for me really well!

Sadly, the staff wasn't allowed to wear the signals tonight, I couldn't find out the affect on me. Ohh, well, maybe next time.

Splitsville & Wedding

My friends' band has split. It's a shame, they were having so much fun together. I never seen a band like theirs which seems to have such a good time at gigs, no matter where and what the audiences were like. I am sure they didn't always get to have gigs in places which were filled with their fans and friends, but they were just same every time I saw them!

---

Charlie is getting married again???
The first thing that came to my mind was "DOUBLE TAKE".

This fantastic BBC comedy series was VERY experimental and visually challenging, and was
BLOODY FUNNY!!
And there was one episode of Charlie and Willie fishing, and Will was saying to his dad that his mistress is
"SO ugly. I mean, really, REALLY ugly."
and Charlie goes on defending how not-so-bad his girlfriend was...

I was pissing myself laughing.

I heard so many people say that Cammy must be pretty wizzy in the bed department, (OH, please, a picture go away from my mind...)
and I am not saying anything on that, but, well, love is a funny thing.

I am a person who finds it easier to love a thing than a person. And am a person who felt guilty on more than one occasion for loving someone as "an object" and never saw the person as person, just because it was so much easier that way, not because I had no respect for the person.

I guess, men do that all the time...don't they?