Deny Me and Be Doomed

So I sat my friend down, basically told him that it is not his business to say whether I am closed up or not. It is absolutely none of his business to tell me to get out and get laid, when I am saying that I don't want to.

I added to say that I have a right to remain boarded up after everything I went through, hoping for him to have full knowledge of my history and episodes. At this point he chose to tell me that my shit is nothing worse than anybody else's, and since everybody else moves on (to get laid) instead of stalling and mope, I should be doing so, too.

Ohh, OK. You went to the place you should never have. You just said my mental break downs and years of malfunctioning is just me over-reacting. You have just defended all my exes (of all-sorts) and told me to move on like a normal human-being. You have disregarded half of my life in 3 seconds.

"I cannot believe you just said that, you are supposed to be my good friend!! How could you say that I didn't go through enough shitty situations to be like this?"

I yelped.

"That's not what I said. Why do you always focus on negatives?"

He protested. I don't care any more. The damage is done. You went too far.

This is exactly why I don't have a friend. This is EXACTLY why I am alone. Go on, deny me, entertain me, be doomed. Just do it.

Well, Here is the Thing...

So my friend is trying to hook me up with the electrician who comes around to our place to fix things now and then. The electrician guy is really nice (personality-wise, not rear section-wise, according to my friend,) but is 14 years my senior, has 3 kids and divorced, then went in and came out of long term relationships. This is what I call the "bad on paper" type. My friend is really pushing me towards this guy, and although I am thankful for the attention (D is single, she is a nice person and deserves a really nice guy!) I have to stop and wonder if this is all flattering that my good friend is picking THIS guy, while really hoping for us to happen.

 

So, yeah, electricians make good money,

and apparently he is looking,

and he is dead nice.

 

I have to stop and wonder if I am being a stuck up here. And I have to think if my friend is just simple, and gullible, to determine his niceness after knowing him for 45 minutes. Should I be grateful for this??? Why can I not have someone who is not second or third hand? Why is THIS guy supposed to be the very best, so much so my good friend could barely contain the excitement when "we" are on the subject???

 

Kinda pissed here.

Over

So our pub has finally joined the rest of 34 pubs a week closures in the UK. It was a tiny part of English history. We are losing pubs, and government and NHS would put other things before this tradition of the country. Well, that's fine, I guess that's healthy.

 

We are down to almost nothing in the end. The pub was sold to the Asian folks who would take it over and change it to a posh curry house. They did not want to take stocks over, so basically everything had to go. Fosters 2 quid, no bitter, no diet Pepsi, quid a shot if we have it.

 

Everyone said, "Oh that is a shame," what else would anyone say? People just stayed for hours like a lingering odour. What else do you want to do in a lazy Sunday afternoon in a pub that's closing down forever in a few hours?

 

Girls were exchanging phone numbers. I got a few, too. And some more from customers (sorry but I will never call you.) Girls were making promises to keep in touch, I am well aware they will never been met. I hugged a couple of them good bye, because I liked them well enough, even though I was fairly sure that one of them was hitting on me.

 

Daughter of the owner and her friends came, ate ice cream, had some wines, and eventually left. It really was getting to be over.

 

I sat down with the owner, with a glass of red, in a semi darkness, I was crying because I was grateful to be there at that moment. It is a shame, and we must move on, and I will remember that moment fondly, because it was part of us, that was on the way out, complete out.

 

Good bye FOX. Thanks for everything.