eBay and a drama

I have been hooked on eBay now for about 10 yrs.  Me and eBay had so many good memories and bad memories... I have spent far too much money with it, but, well, enjoyment of it is priceless.

I do also sell stuff on it, though due to their charges I never make that much money. Still sometimes it is better to auction stuff off than throwing them away.

I was looking at the list of things I sold, and thought,
"OK, it says I made X amount of money off sales, but the charge is Y and then PayPal charge is Z..."
and remembered a friend who used to sell stuff there. She had set up a shop there and was selling clothes and stuff, I think, I am not too sure, it sounded like she was selling her junk off but her junk was quite expensive to begin with so she was making a thousand a month before charges.

She was a pre-op transsexual then, and was doing eBay to make money for the operation. She was also driving a cab, she told me over the phone, because she did not want to wait for NHS fund for the operation, and then she also told me to look up her web site.

I did, and there she was, a mobile pre-op tranny dominatrix.

It was shocking, to say the least.

I find all the sex industry thing disgusting, so I stopped talking to her soon after. I did not like the idea of making money for her operation in that way, either. If she was certified as genuine gender identity disorder then she should get the fund off NHS, rather than whipping married men's behind at their houses while wives and kids are away (this was what she described her work was like to me.)

She was also a lesbian, too, which I just didn't get. She was being assessed by the doctors when she met her GF, then they started to have hetero relationship. Then she still insisted that she was a women trapped in man's body. How could I understand that??

She was a good friend of mine, and we were very close for years, and her gender issue never interfered our friendship until this GF thing happened. Then we lost in touch till she googled me and emailed me. I still cut her off, though.

I know lots of "interesting" people like her...

I wonder if I meet these people because I ooze some sort of weird vibe?
It is time to change that.

To mark my new start (sort of)
I have bought my frist BIG bud duck.
Thank you, House of Fraser for having SALE on.

Falls on Hard Time

Spring is almost here, and that's a good thing.

According to my Herald, 2011 will be rather a rosy year, and that my company (not that I own it) will be fine and do quite well, that was the premonition for the year.

About a month ago my company directors started to really freak out, and started to cut down cost. Apparently they screwed up and we have no money.

Next thing we started to lose staff because they were let go.

We are officially short staffed, and I will not have any holiday for unforeseenable future. In the time like this my fish tank is like an oasis, so here are some picture of it. (I only have 4 left in it, it started with 6. The project is on-going, and that's what it makes challenging. R.I.P. dead ones.)

 And last night Figarion ate my phone.

One single puncture (almost.)

Life goes on, and all is well.

The Day was a Disaster

So I got this email newsletter informing that one of my favourite restaurants is running a speed dating event on the V day. Speed dating on V day?? That IS the saddest thing I have ever heard. It will be full of SAAAAD people, it will be so sad, so much so I cannot miss it. So I signed up.

I have done speed dating before. I have met some nice people there, too. But I personally found internet dating more fun as I get more choice. With speed dating I only get to see about a dozen people, plus if you are female and attending such events, then you have to accept that "desperation" is written across your forehead, and even if you are not so (desperate) guys there will think you are.

But anyway, so I went there on the day in my little black number with red high heels which I have never worn because I cannot walk in those for more than 500 yards, but in this case I could as I was parking 300 yards from the venue.

Event wasn't literally filled with desperate lot, since most men were friends of organisers, and most women were kind of people who would say, without a hesitation, "Nobody here catches my eye." (Honey, if you don't drop that attitude that every guy is beneath you, especially when you are approaching 45, you will never even get laid.)

I had OK time talking to some people, and I was ready to leave. One guy volunteered to walk me to my car, I accepted this, and we walked for 3 minutes, and I realized that my car was gone.

My car was really gone, with my walkable shoes, work stuff, and all that. I called police, and as soon as I said the location they suggested that my car probably was towed. I called the council, who then confirmed that my car indeed was towed, and gave me the number for the towing company, who was located 10 min walk away.

The guy was so nice he volunteered to walk all that way with me, so we set off, then I fell 3 times in my ridiculous shoes, ended with a bloody knee, and finally made my way to the pound.

I then complained to the towing people that it was wrongly towed as there was no sign of prohibited zoning, but the towing folks dismissed me and told to appeal with the council, but not with them. They then charged me whipping £260 for all sorts of penalties and fees, and I got my car back.

So this, supposedly sad event, turn out to be seriously sad for myself, and expensive night out, too. Well, it is funny, though, I can still say. So sad, so much so I can laugh. And I am thankful to the man who went through this with me, without this man I would have ended up crying in misery and hate Kensington and Chelsea council for rest of my life. (I now hate them only for next year or two.)

The venue had an impressive collection of plates with Dada influence.

The Day Has Arrived

The V day is here. I am doing something REALLY sad tonight. I will report this later because it will be such a laugh!

I love being on my own, but I feel the world is against singletons. And it is increasingly hard on aging people like myself. It's OK to be single when you are 21 but not when you are 41 (which I am not, yet.)

I will live my life with one purpose;
When I die just one someone will say,
"I am glad D was born."

Anyway, tonight will be something to talk about later. Much cracking time.

Our Local Statue.
(People in my town will know what this is.)

There Are Other Idiots Out There

I was told by at least 2 others who have thrown their fish out by accident that it happens to the best of us.

I feel slightly better now.

Unthinkable

As this is so late and I cannot call up any friends to cry I am posting here.

I was changing water of my main tank, and after then I realized one fish was missing.

I think.... aw gawd.... I think I sucked him out and chucked him down the drain.

Or maybe he was dead and I got his body out. Don't know...

I have been torching outside drain for a long time to see any dead fish but it's dark out and he is small. I have sat in fron of tank for a good hour looking for him or his remains.

Am really upset and I need drink but am not supposed to today. Aw, bone head, bone head...

I guess people learn every day to be better fish keepers. If anyone reads this don't laugh, it can happen to you or anyone, you can chuck your fish down the drain, if you are really laid back and never check the bucket of water before throwing it away.

where are you...???

Tart

My crush did something I can only describe as the sweetest thing anyone ever did for me, in real, dream and fantasy life put together.

He showed up at my work with this present, and talked to me from his Vauxhall window, and I was all smiles, and and just could not believe he did this things for me.

"I fancy you, D, but I don't want you to think I am flirting with you,"

were his conflicting words,

OK, so maybe I have nothing to worry about. I am so smitten with this guy and so is he with me but we both know this cannot go anywhere.

I wonder if this is all trick?

And he really knows how to entice someone, (when I told my girl friends what he did they all squealed saying they couldn't believe how big a gesture he made.) yet closes the chapter with a statement like, "I am not gonna touch this."? O, eh.

Ramsey Lewis on my stereo sounds so stirring to me right now...

To demonstrate my joy then, I have put this up,
as this is a sight of heaven to me,
and I was 15 times happier to see him then.

Recovering Means You Will Never be the Same Way Again

I have developed a crush on someone I am not supposed to have a crush on. It doesn't matter who it is on and why I am not supposed to have it on, but we've been emailing and texting quite a bit and it was all fun, and decidedly clean.

I know this guy went for a kill once or twice already, every which time I dodged it politely; I will not act on it.

Today he told me something about his past, and I thought that was quite disgusting, but as I am not going to get together with this person it didn't matter to me.

I was thinking how easy and breezy my life was when my concern was not centred around someone other than myself. Narcissism is the way to go.

And I told him that I thought that was obnoxious, but that's just me, and I have no judgement on him.

He didn't reply for about 3 hrs after then.

I was panicking, then started texting apologies and some other stuff to him, panic texted mates saying I screwed up.

I knew I didn't screw up, really, because there was nothing to screw up on. Yet I panicked.

This was not because I like this person so much. Or maybe. Doesn't matter which.

The point is that, after he texted me back and told me he didn't think what I said was offensive, I sighed of a relief, then thought,

"I so am not ready for this."

It's been almost 10 months since my last "gotten rid of" by someone, and I still am fretting for life over 3 hours of possibility of being disliked slightly by someone who is definitely not going to be in my life, indefinitely.

All the memories of worrying to lose someone because I did this and that, ...would this person chuck me out if I say this, would I be dumped if I liked this.... all those none-sense came flooding back.

I can't do this. I will never even try doing this again.

Standing on my own two feet, if I may.