Thank You, My Love

My Olivia has passed today at the great age of 16. She was my dear friend who went through thicks and thins right beside me. I loved her from the moment she came through my Baltimore apartment door, being a chunky little yorkie who had good heart and mind.

I thank her for everything she did and was. A truely beautiful dog in every way.

Thank you for everything. Love you, and sleep well. Say hello to Mandy for me.

2 yrs Today

The price for an ounce of happiness, was 2 years of absolute hell which tailed right after. It is something of the vicinity of you asking for a pink bon-bon, of which joy lasts for 3 minutes, and then you fall in to a diabetic coma for next 8 months.

Price of happiness is shot high, not even a comparison to the property values in London. That joy mashed me down to particles and I was high and dry, waiting to be blown off by the gash of wind.

"How other people were surviving,"

the dehydrated mind of mine was thinking,

"...in this mean world full of malice?"

The hatred was the first thing formed me back into human form. It was unhealthy but was better than nothing. Just knew that I was in the right and thus hated the ones in the wrong. Sense of justice was making me a bitter thing while I was reconstituting into breathing life.

I am OK now. I shouldn't be but I am. I still hate them. I still am angry. But I am OK. Never wanting happiness though. Anyone trying to make me happy has no business in my life because I will never trust one.

Happy 2 years anniversary. I wish you burn in hell.

Assumption is...

I was born under self-pitying stars. Us stingers are destined to sob in every corner of our lives and say,

"Why, why me? Nobody ever understands me!"

I am, very much, like that, but hate imposing the wrong "ass-u-me" on people. Fair enough, I am devil in a penguin disguise, any sod will not take me as serious and useful, but rather as creepy and weird. But that does not suggest me that you don't get me.

Being misunderstood is kind of a luxury. You can take an advantage of such situations. It is all about human psychology, and disguise is a useful tool when it comes to manipulating others.

Then, again, it can be the source of self-pitying, in some occasions. For instance, people decidedly call me a jumpy paranoia, who look at the half empty glass and put up defence walls all around me. I get accused for blowing up bad stories done to me because I jump to conclusions.

There is a difference between pointing facts out and assuming what other people think. If you are being a bully, I'd say,

"I think you are mean because you did this and that,"

I am merely pointing out what you practiced, not that I am assuming that you hate me. You being not nice to me is not making me to whip up a conclusion you don't want to hear or admit.

Yes, I was ignored by them bitches at work, and yes, they were loud and not working, and yes, one of them forgot to tell me what he was supposed to do and made me pay a few hundred extra quid to cover it up, and yes, I filed the complaints because he was not listening to me. Under those circumstances, did I ever say that them bitches hate me? No. Even though I REALLY do have to think they must dislike me, I NEVER said they did. You do NOT guess what's going on in others' head.

Assumption is a mother of all fuck-ups. It really is. Face the music, and eat the reality. (Tough!)