So I have to tell these people how angry I am and have no idea what to say. I am Jack's angry sea urchin, until I open my mouth and my anger evaporates like a half generated fart. It just doesn't form itself into sentences and help me convince someone else how angry I am.
I guess I have no problem killing a couple of my exes in Hannibal Lecter style, or even Jeoffry Dahmer style (except, I wouldn't want to make furniture out of them), if I never get caught. Right, I can say these stuff if I am alone, typing. Not always, but can sometimes..
Don't enjoy being angry. My anger always comes back to me in a very fast cycle, lot faster than karma supposedly works. Or, more like, I get dragged into a bad cycle created by other, like a dead leaf in a cyclone. It feels shitty shitty bang bang.
Am not good at telling people that am angry because I usually end up weeping like a beggar in labour for no reason whatsoever and people assume that I am so sad but I just am mad at myself for not keeping my wits and inside I am batting myself, yelling "shut up!"
Apparently I give first impressions like being stuck up, dark and scary one. Interesting observation, since I am one crappy expresser when it comes to feelings. And my old acquaintances seem to think I am this fiery furious temperament person. Puzzling, since I don't recall losing it ever in front of any of them. Cannot express how mad I am, and don't like doing it. Therefore, conclusively, no-one ever seen me truly angry. I simply cannot be honest to anyone about my emo stuff.
So I started telling them how mad I am about my life, and in you go I am reaching for Kleenex in a min, which turn their face into all cooing "Oh, you poor thing!". No, no, I don't need that, I am not unhappy, am really x2 OK. I just am really angry, am not sad, just angry, and can't even say so.
Let me try again...
I gaze the haze in the morning, through the wave of traffic,
all I want is for that sun to burst. Just, BURST.
