I like entertaining people. I like to cut my life into pieces and sell them up in order to see people have a laugh. I don't exaggerate my pieces because wouldn't like to lie. I like mixing drinks on my expense and get them wasted. I pick your mood and taste and hopefully I am handing you the right drink. I do this all because I am self centred, self loving, attention seeking, selfish arty pants.
People who like to burst into "Story of My Days" in places like pubs and social events are attention whores. I know this, because I exactly am one of them. They tell you funny stories (often blown up to make itself sound more interesting) and say,
"Me being such an arse I did this stupid episode on such and such."
in a hope of entertaining people, as well as for people to counter-praise you, such as,
"Oh, no, you are not an arse and that was very thoughtful of you for doing that."
etc. etc. Basically begging for compliment.
I don't do just that, but I do know all this because I use this tactics to feel OKay about myself. I lower myself in my stories and that's how I put up my protective shields around me. Yes I am useless and stupid, am not worthy of your attacks. And also, I do this because I am a creator and creators are whores of some kind.
I never like bragging. I did it once, because I did something great and I fucking deserved a nice comment from everyone around me, and my friend told me to stop showing off. Can I not be proud once in 19 yrs? Apparently not.
I do indeed like to see people around me having good time on my account. I feel slightly useful and less hated. That's lovely. People don't need hero stories and Samaritan stories which are coming from friends and acquaintances, because people don't really need any story from other people to begin with. I know this because I know people always give benefit of doubt to stories they hear first handedly. It's just wise to do so and is much needed fact of surviving.
I sometime hate me for lowering myself in the circle I am in. I sometime feel comfortably invisible. I mostly want to be invisible and numb, till I get absolutely bored and start getting out howling and jamming my horns down into some deep shit like real life stuff. Bad cycle of life, real bad. Guess am bored now. Where is my entertainment?
