"You are contradicting yourself." They said all at once.
"You refused to identify yourself as woman, yet you sleep with men as a woman. They see you as female, you take that role, I think you have a big issue there."
Said one.
"Why do we have to be the sex, just because we are having sex!?"
I exclaimed.
"Who says I have to be woman to be sleeping with men? And would that make me a man if I was interested in women?"
I went on. This whole thing was ridiculous. Sexuality and sexual activity, plus gender identity and social identity are all too confusing to people. They either get it, or never, ever get it for all their lives.
This reminded of the time I was speaking with my colleague who said to me,
"Oh, I love European gays. They are more of women than real women."
I couldn't even begin to correct her, or point out how wrong the entire sentence she just uttered was.
"Look,"
I said, resolutely.
"I am comfortable in my own body. I love what I am."
"But,"
Mary interrupted me,
"you happen to be a woman. You have the body of a woman."
"Well, sorry, Mary, I refused to believe I do. I am me and that's that."
I continued. People looked confused, or even sorry to hear what I was saying.
"Look,"
I said once again,
"it took me almost 10 years around my puberty to get where I am now. I went through such a struggle and this is what I came to. I am not tied to one sex, and I just am me. The end."
They didn't get it. They never will. And they call themselves a support group. Fuck that. I was not sharing anything with you now, and I wouldn't start that now. You will never get it because you just can't break through. Pathetic, in a way. Yeah.
