over by Five-Os.
OK, it's 18.15 on Sat, gotta get to work by 19.00. If A4 is busy I might be late, so I would have to go 40mph plus around Tilehurst. The choice of music is The President of The USA, yeah, yeah, I can do slight head banging (15 degree angle) while waiting for green light. Millions of peaches, peaches for me.
OK, Bath Road wasn't too bad, I am almost in Tilehurst, and after these two roundabouts it might be busier Oh, there is a police car, let's just hope it will go away. Oh, how every one is driving like a little kitten, doing 25mph on 30mph road and stuff. OH? The police is over-speeding. How nice. And he is going nowhere. Do I have to drive behind him? OK, I see the big roundabout, maybe I can take over him after there Oh, no, he came right in front of me. AND he is on both lanes. How bloody nice. Let's be cheeky and indicate in every single check-point, including mini roundabouts.
I am still following the police car, it has been at least 10miles by now. This road IS 40mph, but nobody is doing it today. I will stick to 3rd gear, too.
We are now doing 30mph. There we go, we are at M4 J12, Theale exit, two huge roundabouts going like slaloms. Everyone goes over lanes here, even today, in front of coppers!! I will stick to 40mph and wouldn't go over lanes. If I can manage Bracknell roundabouts, I can do these ones! Hurray, I curved perfectly, indicating precisely and my slowing down and posisioning was immaculate!! 30ft Smurfs!! Everybody wants to be naked and famous!! Yeah, yeah!! (Bangin', bangin'.) The police car went to left hand lane, I am in the middle, is he going away?
3 lanes go round, two of them leading into a national speed limit slip way. Everyone goes about 70mph (dual carriage way national speed limit IS 60mph.) but probably not today. No, not today, I see. What the fuck is this cab doing in front of me? Hey, you are on RIGHT hand lane, doing 40 on 60 mph road!! Speed up to appropriate mph, or just speed up so I can switch lanes to avoid you. Goddamn it, I better slow down and switch lanes. I can't stay on right doing too slow, you can get penalty for that, and I see the copper following to this direction, too. OK, I have enough space ahead and behind me now, let me indicate and switch lanes. Click, click, OK, nicely switched, in front of copper ?? When did the indicator got cancelled? Did I not cock it enough? Well, better speed up to 60 or less or I get pulled over
No time to do anything else, there is the end of the slip road, slow down nicely... Well done, am good, appropriate spacing, thank you Ian, you taught me well Now take the second exit, and this is yet another national speed limit lane, would speed up to 60mph plus if the copper wasn't following so I would safely make it to work on time
Flash, flash,
WHAT THE FUCK????(Pardon my French)
This is when I saw flashing light coming from behind me. Yes, Five-0s were telling me to stop. I wasn't nervous as I did nothing wrong, but it's never nice to be stopped by police in a country you weren't born in. You remember that stupid Brazilian dude who run away and got shot and killed by police after London Bombing, right? (Sorry for saying stupid, but I saw through whole story from the moment I heard it. It is just SO unfortunate.)
"Hi, what seems to be the problem?"
Lady Officer "Have you been drinking or ANYTHING??"
(Oh, I bet you saw me head banging into 15 degree angle.)
"No, why?"
L "Because you have been swaying ALL OVER lanes."
(That was YOU.)
"Was I?"
L "Have you got ID or something?"
"You mean the drivers' licence?"
L "Drivers' licence would do."
(What else is better than drivers' licence??)
L "How long have you been driving in this country?"
"Do you mean including driving lessons?"
L "How long have you been holding licence in THIS country?"
(Uhh, why are you flashing my card with you massive torches, it says right there you bat!?)
L "Do you have insurance for the car?"
"Not on me."
(What are you suggesting by that??)
Male Office "Have you taken the test in THIS country?"
(How else do I get that shiny pink card? I paid thousands of pounds for lessons to get that bloody thing, can't you use your bloody eyes??)
M "When you switched the lane you nearly took my bumper off. You weren't indicating, either."
(Oh, shit, so it was cancelled long before it should have.)
"Did I? I did, indicate though."
M "No you did NOT (Listen, sonny!) And you ignored us flashing you. Your driving was very dangerous."
(I checked right after I slipped in front of the police car, of course. And they were NOT flashing me.)
M "You were going all over the place and indicating wrong ways."
(Didn't you just say I never indicated?)
M "By English law it is illegal to take over a car using the left lane. Do you understand?"
(I did NOT take over, did I? I went passed the car, which was doing 40mph,but didn't get back into the right lane!!!)
M "By English law you see the line and you stay within the lines, you don't go all over it, OK?"
(What the fuck are they talking about NOW???? Broken lines are there to show you can switch lanes OR take over!!!)
This, "By English Law" bit bothered me a lot. I am pretty sure they don't use the phrase if I didn't look like this. I never drove in other countries and I am resident here, but was treated like a refugee who just drove in from Dover port all the way to Tadley. Hey, that's funny.
I would have been sincere and apologetic if what they were saying was true, but I couldn't possibly buy any of it, apart from possible indication failure. Because, there is NO way I would have survived, nor failed to kill someone else if what they said was true. Swaying all over the lanes?? (Not a lane, but lanes.) I don't even rely on mirrors coz they are not realistic enough. I ALWAYS indicate unless it cocked itself back by accident. And I did NOT drove in from Dover.
They couldn't find any reason to give me ticket in the end. They didn't even say,
"I am so nice, I will let you go with a warning."
Because I did NOTHING wrong!!
